Return to Rock Creek
by SeGate
Summary: A few years have passed since the telegraph put the Pony Express out of business, and Lou decides to return to the only place she really thought of as home: Rock Creek. My first attempt at a continuing story, I hope you like it...
1. Chapter 1

_Virginia, 1864_

"Alright, Kid. I'm gonna speak my piece. No interruptions." The barest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of Lou's mouth then fell away as silence met her statement.

"You know me, probably better than anyone else in this world. And you loved me, even when I was pretty hard to like." She gave a weary sigh. "But for the longest time, I felt like you wanted to change me. Wanted to make me something I could never be."

Lou started to turn away, but forced herself to face him and the truth head on. "It was hard for me. Part of me wanted to be the lady you wanted me to be. Soft. Gentle. I guess I always felt like that part of me was stolen away by Wicks. What he left behind weren't no lady." She held her hand up, as if to silence any arguments. "But you... You made me want to be that woman, a better woman. But as much as I wanted that, I wanted it to be okay for me to be who I was. To know that it was okay for me to be independent and maybe a little wild."

She chuckled and shook her head. "Okay, okay! Sometimes I could be a lot wild. But after Davenport, well, everything changed. That's when I felt like you really accepted me, all of me. I could be Lou or Louise, and you would love me either way. You promised to never ride on without me." Lou drew a deep breath to calm herself, realizing that she was shaking like the last leaf in an autumn breeze. "You lied to me, Kid! You let me fall in love with you, promise my whole life to you, and you lied! Dammit! And now you went and made me cry."

Wiping away her tears with a handkerchief, Lou continued as if afraid of being interrupted. "You were always so good, so sure of what's right. But how could this have been right? After all that happened to our brothers, our family... After you and I talked, and even Teaspoon... You still thought you knew better."

The handkerchief now clutched in her fist, Lou spoke with a fire that lit her words and flushed her cheeks. "Virginia. Maybe I was a fool to believe you loved me more, I mean, that's what you told me. But it was all about Virginia in the end. You just had to go and fight for a place that never held any real happiness for ya." She laughed, mirthless and angry. "I thought love was what you would fight for, that I was what you would fight for! But you left me behind to fight someone else's war. So you lied. You told me how much you loved me, how special I was. What's wrong with me, Kid? Why ain't I worth it? Why can't anyone love me enough to fight for me?"

Lou dropped to her knees sobbing. "I'm sorry, Kid! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry for yellin' and carryin' on, for not making you stay somehow. But why did you lie? Why did you ride on without me?" She cried until she ran out of tears, exhaustion almost claiming her in sleep.

Finally she sat up, absentmindedly smoothing her hair. "I'm sorry, Kid. I didn't mean to go on like that. That ain't what I came here for. I, I came to tell you I'm leavin.' I came to Virginia to be with you. And I know I made my vows to you... But I promised you until death do us part." She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to ward off the chill of the gathering darkness. "I can't do this anymore. I'm a stranger in a strange land, and I want to go home... I never thought I'd part from you, but I reckon the army had other ideas. You've been in the ground for six months, two weeks, and four days. And I've been right here for almost all that time. I fulfilled my vow to you, now I have to do this for me. I 'magine I'll still talk to you wherever I am, but I can't be tied to this stone with your name on it. In Virginia, you'll always be gone from me. This was never really 'our' home."

As the sun slipped behind the hills, Lou placed the handful of wildflowers she had picked on the stone bearing the Kid's name. "I'm going back to Rock Creek. I think it's time I tried to live again, and that's the only place I can even imagine trying to."

* * *

_Rock Creek, one day later_

_To: Teaspoon Hunter_

_From:Lou McCloud  
_

_I'__m coming home._

Teaspoon stared at the telegram he's just been handed.

"What is it, Teaspoon? Bad news?" Rachel gripped her hands together. It seemed that the telegraph that brought the end to the Pony Express only delivered bad news since the war between the states had started.

"I don't rightly know." He sighed and handed to paper to Rachel. "But I reckon we'll find out soon enough."


	2. Chapter 2

_Rock Creek, one month later_

The town of Rock Creek hadn't changed much in the few years she had been away. Lou watched the townspeople milling about, none of whom seemed to take interest in her.

"Dontcha see anybody you know?" Theresa asked quietly.

Lou didn't answer her sister's question, choosing instead to shrug her shoulders indifferently. They rode to the livery, leaving their horses and walking on to Teaspoon's office. Theresa had expected Lou to ride out to Rachel's house, but her sister had gruffly said that they couldn't assume they would be staying there. Theresa sighed sadly, Lou was so different these days. She expected nothing from her family, not even a welcome. She knew Lou hadn't told anyone when they would be arriving, only that they were coming. _Oh, Kid! Why did you have to go? This isn't how it should be._

Theresa's thoughts were interrupted when her sister stopped short. She followed Lou's gaze to the tall man emerging from the sheriff's office. "Isn't that Jimmy?"

"I, I can't!" Lou spun on her startled sister. "I can't see him first!"

Theresa stared at Lou, puzzled. "Why not? I thought you two were good friends." When her big sister finally looked her in the eye, her heart broke for what she saw there. "Oh, Lou, he'll be glad to see ya."

"But what if he ain't?" Lou felt like a coward. She had no idea how she would be received, but it felt somehow safer to think the worst. "He's a busy man, and he prolly won't even recognize me anymore."

"Um, Louise? I don't think you have to worry about that." Theresa spoke with confidence.

"Why?"

"He's headin' right for us!" Theresa smiled gently at her sister's panic, grabbing her arm and turning her toward Jimmy's approach.

"Lou? Louise McCloud?" Jimmy reached them and pulled Lou into a welcoming hug. "Why didn't you tell us when you were coming? We've been watching for you for a month now." He released her from his embrace and stepped back to look her over, his smile fading a bit as he realized how fragile she looked. He quickly recovered and looked to the girl next to her. "Is this young lady your sister? Theresa, I bet the Kid has to fight the boys off with a stick! Where's Kid and Jeremiah anyway?"

Lou's face went pale. "They ain't here, Jimmy" Her voice was quiet, strained. "They, they're both dead."

Jimmy couldn't speak for nearly a minute. Even through his shock he noticed Lou wringing her hands, before raising one to cover her mouth as she always had when distressed. "When? I mean, how long ago?"

Theresa could sense the building tension in her older sister. "Jeremiah died five months ago, and Kid died seven-"

"Seven months, three weeks, five days." Lou looked into Jimmy's eyes as she quietly answered. He was staggered by the pain he saw there, but was unable to stop his next question.

"Why didn't ya send word?" Jimmy still couldn't believe that Kid was simply gone, and that Lou hadn't even sent a letter. His question had been laced with anger.

The tears that had been threatening to spill from Lou's eyes finally escaped, along with a sob. "I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'm sorry!" With that Lou broke away and ran back towards the Livery.

"Lou! Lou, come back!" Jimmy turned to Theresa, sighing. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry." He took off his hat, turning it nervously in his hand. "It was just a shock. I can't believe the Kid is dead."

"Please don't hold it against Lou that she didn't send word." Theresa eyed Jimmy nervously, as if uncertain what to tell him.

"Has Lou been sick?" He remembered his friend's almost frail appearance. "What the hell happened in Virginia?"

"Kid took us all to Virginia. We weren't there any time 'til he enlisted. He was wounded in battle. Lou got word and went to find him. By the time she found which hospital he was in, he was gone. She brought him home and buried him on the farm. She ain't been the same since." Theresa felt a tear streak down her face. "Then a fever went through town. Killed more people than it left alive." Jimmy reached out and took her hand, giving her strength to continue. "Fever took Jeremiah. I was real sick for awhile, but my sister nursed me through it. I, I'm afraid of what Lou woulda done if I hadn't made it."

Theresa's voice dropped to a bare whisper, forcing Jimmy to lean closer to hear her words. "Sometimes I feel almost guilty. I see the pain in her eyes, and I feel like she's only holdin' on for me. I almost hate to make her stay and feel so much hurtin.'"

Jimmy was almost speechless. All those years he and the rest of the family hadn't heard from Lou and Kid, he always assumed they were too busy living the charmed life they had dreamed of. He had never pictured Lou as anything but happy. But, he admitted to himself, that was more for his own peace of mind than anything else. He had always told himself that Lou would be better off with Kid. It looked like he was wrong.

"None of this is your fault, Theresa. Your sister is glad you're here and healthy." He shook his head. "If only she'd written or sent a wire..."

Theresa gave him a sad smile. "She didn't think anyone would care." Pausing a moment at Jimmy's curse, she continued, "My sister ain't the same girl she used to be."

Jimmy glanced toward the Livery, wondering what else Lou was hiding.

* * *

**The first two chapters were inspired by the song "I Am Stretched On Your Grave" as performed by Kate Rusby. I first heard the song last week, and could just see Lou... Unfortunately this meant that Kid had to die.**

_**I Am Stretched On Your Grave**_ _:_  
_I am stretched on your grave_  
_And I'll lie here forever_  
_If you hands were in mine_  
_I'd be sure they would not sever_  
_My apple tree, my brightness,_  
_It's time we were together_  
_For I smell by the Earth_  
_And I'm worn by the weather._

_When my family think_  
_That I'm safely in my bed_  
_Oh, from morn until night_  
_I am stretched out at your head_  
_Calling out unto the earth_  
_With tears hot and wild_  
_For the loss of a girl_  
_That I loved as a child._

_Do you remember the night_  
_Oh, the night when we were lost_  
_In the shade of the blackthorn_  
_And the touch of the frost?_  
_Oh, and thanks be to Jesus_  
_We did all that was right_  
_And your maidenhead still_  
_Is your pillar of light._

_Oh, the priests and the friars_  
_They approach me in dread_  
_Oh, for I love you still_  
_Oh, my life, and you're dead_  
_I still will be your shelter_  
_Through rain and through storm_  
_And with you in your cold grave_  
_I cannot sleep warm_

_I am stretched on your grave_  
_And I'll lie here forever_  
_If you hands were in mine_  
_I'd be sure they would not sever_  
_My apple tree, my brightness,_  
_It's time we were together_  
_For I smell by the Earth_  
_And I'm worn by the weather._


	3. Chapter 3

Running Buck Cross slowed his horse as he approached the livery. He was proud of his accomplishments in Rock Creek. After the Pony Express ended he had considered returning to his Kiowa brothers, but had chosen instead to start a ranch with Teaspoon, Jimmy, and Rachel. They all had other jobs, but each put in long hours to get their ranch started. Buck had found them some excellent horseflesh, and they soon had an agreement to provide horses for the Northern Army. The Livery went up for sale shortly thereafter. He'd jumped at the chance to buy it, seeing it as a natural side business for someone who already dealt in horses. He was able to hire someone to see to most of the day to day tasks, which left him able to tend the ranch.

Buck dismounted as he reached the stalls. He reached for the feed to tend his horse when he sensed he wasn't alone. Looking around the dim confines of the barn revealed no one. He noticed the stalls were all filled and quickly looked at the horses. Two horses stood out. _If I didn't know better..._ He approached them gently.

"Katy? Lightning?" Both horses raised their heads in acknowledgement. He stroked their muzzles, deep in thought. "Where's everyone else?" Lightning nickered and side-stepped toward the corral. Buck smiled. It was as good a place as any to start looking.

As he emerged from the back of the barn, Buck could see the small form of a woman leaning on the corral fence. _Lou!_ He had seen her stand in just such a pose hundreds of times. She had always loved watching the horses back at the station. He was about to call out to her, but was suddenly struck with the sense that something was wrong. He'd learned at an early age to trust his instincts, and they rarely led him astray. Something told him that this woman, the sister of his heart, was in pain.

Her hair had grown and was pinned up like a lady, but she somehow looked even smaller than he remembered. Had her hair been down, Buck would have thought it was a child before him. Her arms were wrapped around herself tightly. The September heat was relentless today, so he knew it was unlikely that she was chilled. Her shoulders hitched, and she raised a hand to her face. Her hands had always seemed so small, that it had surprised him how strong she was. Her head dropped. Buck felt his heart lurch. This woman he loved, this sister who had risked her life to save him on more than one occasion looked utterly desolate. _Like I was when Ike died._

"Lou?" Buck kept his voice quiet, not wishing to startle her.

"Buck? Oh, Buck!" Her tears began to fall anew as he closed the distance between them and gently took her in his arms. His heart ached for the misery he sensed in her. Her tears were not joyful, and he could tell that she was thinner than she should be. He had what felt like an endless supply of questions he wanted to ask, but Buck knew that Lou was someone who didn't appreciate folks prying into her business. He proceeded carefully.

"Lou McCloud. It's so good to see you. We've been keepin' an eye out for your arrival." Lou still clung to him, as if his embrace was a rare treasure. What could have happened to the young woman he remembered? He tightened his hold on her, feeling it was what she needed. "Sister... _Tdaun*_... You have been missed." He whispered these words and immediately knew they were what she needed to hear. He felt some of the tension leave her small frame.

He was still holding her when he heard Jimmy's voice call out. "Lou?"

"Lou?" Jimmy's voice drew nearer, and Buck could feel Lou grow tense. They broke their embrace, but Buck kept an arm draped around her shoulders. He tried to pass some of his strength to her through the gentle contact.

"By the corral, Jimmy." He called out just as his friend emerged from the barn. Jimmy met his glance with a grim expression. "I was just tellin' Lou how much we missed her."

Jimmy looked away. Clearing his throat, he looked back to Lou and spoke gently. "Lou, I'm sorry 'bout before. Ya caught me off guard. But ya gotta know that I'm glad you're here now. That I, and everybody else, missed ya."

"I know, Jimmy." Lou's voice was raspy and spent from crying.

Buck and Jimmy exchanged troubled glances. They had never known Lou to be so meek.

"Let's get you and Theresa out to Rachel's. Teaspoon's already out there for lunch." At Jimmy's failure to mention Kid or Jeremiah, Buck's eyes had widened. Jimmy gave his head an almost imperceptible shake. This explained much of why his sister seemed so desolate; but rather than an answer, he was left with even more questions than before.

As they headed out of town, Buck offered a silent plea to the Spirits. _Guide me, please! Help me choose the right path to find my sister again. _

* * *

*My research turned this up as the Kiowa word used by a brother to a sister or a sister to a brother.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a testament to his maturity that Jimmy hadn't demanded answers from Lou. As he rode next to her, he was able to make several observations. He had noticed the hovering concern that she harbored for her sister. He knew Theresa had been sick, but it seemed that she might not have fully recovered. Lou had driven them to Rock Creek in the buckboard, Lightning and Katy tethered alongside. He knew she had always preferred riding horseback, and it seemed this at least was still true. He had seen relief in her eyes when Buck had offered to drive Theresa in the wagon, allowing Lou to exercise her horse.

When he had greeted her in town with a hug he could tell that her always petite frame was even more slight than before. He glanced to her face, noticing the shadows beneath her eyes and how her cheeks seemed almost hollow. She looked his way, and he was struck by how large her eyes seemed. But where Lou's eyes had always seemed to hold a twinkle of mischief, fire, and laughter before, they now appeared flat and distant.

Theresa had told him things that broke his heart, and he knew that what she had shared was only scratching the surface. Lou had clearly suffered, was still suffering. _She's pinin' for the Kid._ The thought struck him square in the chest, and he felt ashamed for his reaction. It was only natural for her to mourn the love of her life, and he had long ago accepted that he would never fill that role for any woman. _Who do you think you're foolin,' Hickok? _He'd realized years before that Louise McCloud was the ruler he measured every woman against. And it had never surprised him that not one of them had measured up.

On those rare occasions that he was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that his greatest regret was not telling her how he really felt all those years ago. She and the Kid had broken up, and Kid had taken up with the schoolteacher. Jimmy had been so close to telling her how much she meant to him, when Hopkins had kidnapped and nearly killed her. He had lost a good ten years off his life when he saw her balanced at the end of that rope. His reputation as a gunfighter had almost cost him the most precious woman in his world. In some ways it had. He had distanced himself from her, determined to save her life and his heart. He had done his best to push Lou and Kid together after that.

_Maybe it wasn't your best..._ There had been one night that his resolve had nearly crumbled. Escorting Elias Mills had gotten to him on many levels. He saw his future laid out before him, and it was dark, cold, and lonely. Punctuated with an early, violent death. Lou had known his thoughts and offered comfort.

"_I think you're a better man than you give yourself credit for."_

Not a single day passed that he didn't hear those words in his head. As if to prove her wrong, he had kissed her. Had they not been interrupted, how far would it have gone? Jimmy was convinced that things would have turned out the same way. He knew Kid loved her and could give her safety and stability. _Come on, Hickok. She doesn't look like she's had much of either lately. What if you sacrificed your chances for nuthin'?_

Jimmy was forced out of his reverie when they arrived at Rachel's house. He wasn't sure if he was glad to have the others to help draw Lou out, or if he dreaded finding out what exactly was going on.

"Rachel, Teaspoon! We brought you a surprise!" Buck called out to his friends as he unhitched the horses.

"Buck? Jimmy? We was expectin' ya a while ago." Teaspoon's voice came from inside the house. "And what's this here surprise yer jawin' about?" As he opened the screen door, Teaspoon stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes clouded with tears at the sight of the young woman he considered a daughter. He cleared his throat and called to Rachel, "You're gonna wanna see this, Rachel, honey."

"It better not be another stray dog. The last one dug up all my flowers and tore the laundry off the li-" Rachel's voice faltered as reached the door and saw Teaspoon gathering a slight woman into his arms. "Oh my goodness, Lou!" She hurried down the porch steps to greet her friend. "You're finally here! Oh, Honey, I'm so glad to see you!" Tears of joy spilled down her cheeks.

"I'm glad to see you too, Rachel... Teaspoon." Lou's voice was raw with emotion. "This here's my sister, Theresa."

"It's a genuine pleasure to meet such a lovely young lady." Teaspoon took the girl's hand and kissed it as if she were a fine lady. His reward was a wide smile, reminiscent of her big sister's. He turned back to Lou with a curious expression. "And just where is thet husband uh yours? And Jeremiah?"

Her eyes dropped, and her expression grew guarded. "They're... they're dead, Teaspoon."

Rachel gasped. "No! Oh, Lou..."

Lou cut her off, "I'll explain everything, but can we go inside first? My sister could use a drink and some rest. I... I been pushin' her too hard on the trip out here, and she don't got all her strength back yet."

Rachel shook herself into motion. "Of course you're both prolly worn out. Please come on in. We we're just gettin' ready for lunch, if you're hungry." Theresa and Lou followed her into the house, leaving the men with the horses.

"I knew there was somethin' troublin' her, but I had no idea..." Buck's face was ashen with shock.

Teaspoon cleared his throat, "I cain't believe it. The Kid... gone."

Jimmy looked up with a grim expression. "From the little bit Theresa tol' me, I think it's a lot worse than that." At their questioning looks he continued, "I think Lou might be gone too."


	5. Chapter 5

Lunch was an awkward affair. Once she had seen that Theresa was comfortable and well-fed, Lou finally gave in to Rachel's demands that she sit and eat. She said little, barely listening to to the others make strained conversation. She had never been one to lay herself bare to others. _Let's be honest, Louise. You showed your whole heart to two people. One turned away. The other ran away._If the past was any indication, she was in trouble.

She became aware of everyone looking at her. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Rachel smiled. "I asked if you were gonna eat anything or just keep pushin' your food around."

Lou put down her fork and pushed the plate away. "I guess I'm not real hungry right now."

"That's alright, my dear." Teaspoon covered her hand with his and squeezed reassuringly. "Unlike the old days, you have the luxury of waitin' til yer hungry. Cody ain't here to steal yer food."

"Have you heard from him lately?" Lou pulled her hand away, uncomfortable with all the attention.

"We just had a letter two weeks ago. He's doin' well." Rachel chuckled as she finished clearing the dishes from the table. "He had all sorts of stories, of course."

"And none of 'em true, I bet." Buck shook his head, remembering how their friend had always had a flair for exaggeration.

"If even half of 'em are half true, that boy is leadin' a charmed life." Rachel joined them at the table again. "I'm savin' all his letters. I told him he should write a book, and with all those letters he'll be almost done before he ever sits down to start."

Though Rachel's words were lighthearted, Lou felt as if she had been rebuked. "I'm real sorry, I ain't never wrote once we got settled or when the Kid..." She faltered, then felt Theresa take her hand. "I reckon you've wondered long enough. I best get to the tellin'."

She took a deep breath and looked at the expectant faces around her. How would they look at her when her story was done? At what point would they realize the truth? How much would it hurt if they rejected her? _If? You know it's only a matter of time. You couldn't fool Kid for long._She tried to silence the voice in her head.

"When we left Rock Creek we went back to St. Joe to get Theresa and Jeremiah. Then Kid said we was goin' home. I always thought that would be Rock Creek or even Sweetwater, but Kid... Well I guess Kid had other ideas. Said home was Virginia." Lou laughed bitterly. "They say there's no place like home. And really hope they're right, 'cause Virginia holds nothin' but heartaches and misery for me."

The others exchanged concerned glances.

"War had already come to that part of the south. Kid found a small farm for us, but before too long he told me he had made a decision. Said he was gonna fight for the South. I begged him to think of Noah and Cody, to stay with me and the kids. That's when he told me it was already done. He had enlisted that mornin'. And then he was gone."

"Oh Lou," Rachel whispered.

"I didn't get a single letter from him. How could I write to any of you and admit that?"

"He just left ya there?" JImmy's voice was tight with anger. "How could he leave ya on yer own like that?"

Lou misunderstood the target of Jimmy's fury. "I know I shoulda done somethin' else, anything to make him stay. I tried! Lord help me, I tried all I could think of. I'm sorry." Before Jimmy could correct her misperception she plunged on with her story.

"I always thought Kid would come home to me someday. And after two years he finally did, only it was in a box. I had tried all that time to run the farm and take care of the kids. With so many men enlistin', there weren't any to hire for to help out. That land took my blood, sweat, and tears... and then it took my brother and nearly claimed my sister too." Lou could still see Jeremiah's face, hear his weak cries. "Typhoid fever hit the town hard. The doctor took sick with it, so we had no one to treat us. Surroundin' towns quarantined us. No other doctors could come in, and we couldn't get out if we tried."

Lou put an arm around Theresa's shoulders, "Jeremiah took ill first. Then Theresa came down with it. I nursed 'em as best I could, but I couldn't save my brother. I was sick too, but not so bad as most. After the fever, well it was even harder to tend the farm. I was tired of bein' alone in a land that seemed to hate me as much as I hated it." Lou stood and walked to the window, taking in the landscape that had haunted her dreams and beckoned to her since the day she left. "Nothin' good happened in Virginia."

"Lordy Lord," Teaspoon muttered.

"The only thing worse than livin' through all that woulda been writin' to ya 'bout it. I always told myself that I would write just as soon as I had some good new to share. I just never had any." Lou shrugged her shoulders before continuing, "I know that don't make it right. And I know ya got reason to be upset."

"_Tdaun_," Buck approached his sister, laying a gentle hand on her arm. "No one is upset-"

"Speak for yerself," Jimmy interrupted. "You may not be upset, but I'm furious!"

As Jimmy spoke, Lou felt her last small flame of hope go dark. She spun to face the table, the despair in her eyes halting whatever else Jimmy or anyone else had planned to say. "I'm sorry! I'm so damn sorry! Don't you think I know I let everyone down?" Her voice broke on a sob.

Jimmy stood, holding up a hand, "Dammit, Lou, that ain't what I meant-"

"Don't you think I know what you're thinkin', Jimmy? What you're all thinkin'?" Lou was hysterical, her words rushed and broken. "All my life... I been disappointin' someone. And now I... I finally ran out of people to let down. I couldn't keep Kid. Couldn't save Jeremiah. Almost lost my sister, to where she ain't the same." Lou frantically wiped her tear-stained face. "So I know what you're thinkin,' 'cause it's the same thing I think every day of this cursed life!" Lou turned and ran out the kitchen door and across the yard toward the barn.

"Lou!" Several voices called out. Theresa and Rachel wept openly.

Buck turned on Jimmy, pushing him back. "What the hell do you think you're doin'?"

Jimmy shoved Buck, though his anger was directed at himself, "Get outta my way, Buck! You know I didn't mean I was mad at her."

"That's enough, boys!" Teaspoon's voice was rough with emotion. "It don't much matter what you meant right now, Jimmy Our girl was already sufferin', and now it's worse. Git yerself over ta that barn and 'pologize til she believes ya!"

Just then they heard a pounding of hooves. Rachel ran to the window, afraid she already knew what she would see. "It's Lou! She's ridin' outta here like the devil himself were on her tail!"

"I'll go after her," Buck started for the door.

"I'm goin', Buck. Get outta my way." Jimmy pushed past his brother. "I'm the one that upset her, and I'll be the one ta set her right."

As the screen door slammed behind Jimmy and was followed by another flurry of hoofbeats, the others remained quiet. Lou's words seemed to still hang in the room, replacing the air with something bitter and smothering.

Finally Rachel spoke, her tone bewildered, "How can she really think she's let us down? We always knew Kid could be stubborn."

"And how's one woman supposed to fight off an epidemic?" Buck shook his head, his eyes clouded with worry.

"It looks like Lou's been beatin' up on herself fer awhile." Teaspoon sat back in his chair and ran his hands over his face. "It just don't make no sense... Lou was always proud and independent. She weren't the type to fret 'bout what others thought."

Theresa sniffled, drawing the attention of the others. "She ain't been that Lou since she and Kid got me and Jeremiah from the orphanage. She was so happy at first." The young girl smiled faintly. "She would tuck me and 'Miah in every night, tellin' us stories 'bout ridin' with the boys for the Express. And she'd tell us 'bout how great everything was gonna be. Then we got to Virginia, and the Kid tole us he was leavin'. I never seen her like that. After 'Miah and I went to bed, they fought somethin' fierce." Theresa took a deep breath, shuddering from the coldness of her memories, "She yelled, and begged, and cried... Pleadin' with him not to go and leave us. He said it weren't a matter of not lovin' her enough to stay, but that he owed it to Virginia to fight. He tole her she'd understand someday."

"Oh Kid," muttered Rachel.

"So she said that if he left, it meant that he didn't really love 'er like he promised to. And he said that they were done talkin' 'bout it, 'cause she wasn't gonna change his mind. Then they went outside, and we couldn't hear anything else. When we got up the next mornin' he was already gone."

Theresa slumped down in her chair and lifted a hand to her forehead.

"Honey, are you alright?" Rachel hurried to the girl's side. "What did Lou mean about you not bein' the same after the fever?"

"The doctor said my heart was weakened by the typhoid. I get tired real easy, and cain't do too much... I been no help to Lou, but she's always so good to me." Theresa leaned her head back against the chair. "I'm sorry to be so much trouble, but could I lie down for a spell?"

Teaspoon appeared at her side, lifting her gently into his arms. "It ain't no trouble, my dear. All this excitement has taken a toll on us all." He carried her to the spare bedroom, followed by Rachel and Buck.

"When Lou comes home, please tell her to wake me up. I'm awful worried 'bout her." Theresa's eyes were fluttering closed before she finished speaking.

Rachel tucked a blanket over the sleeping girl, "We all are, darlin'. We all are."

* * *

**Poor Lou, I really put her through the wringer. Self-doubt is a powerful thing, especially when we think everyone else shares those same doubts.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

Lou rode as if her life depended on it. In some ways it did. She had underestimated just how much it would hurt to disappoint her family so much. With the exception of Cody, these were the only people who had still cared about her. When she heard the fury in Jimmy's voice, she knew they were lost to her. And it would be more of the same whenever Cody came home. He would hear about her failings, and then his warm blue eyes would turn to ice.

She still had her sister, but if the doctor in Richmond had been right... Lou couldn't stand to think about Theresa leaving her too. She let out a primal scream as she pushed Lightning ever faster. _Why? Why Theresa?_ Her sister was the sweetest, nicest girl she'd ever known. _All those church people talk about a loving God who forgives. And this is how I know he don't exist. A loving God wouldn't take good people like Jeremiah or the Kid, or even Mama. And if He forgave, he'd take me instead of Theresa._

Oblivious to anything other than her dark thoughts and torment, Lou failed to realize she had entered unfamiliar terrain. Tears clouded her vision and finally forced her to slow her relentless pace. She reached a glade and reined in her horse. The ground was soft here, so Lou tried to calm her breathing to listen for a water source. She finally detected what sounded like a small creek and steered Lightning in that direction.

"Whoa there!" Dismounting, Lou let her horse drink. She crouched by the stream, splashed water on her face, and paused to drink her fill. Hearing the approach of hoofbeats, she hurriedly swung up on her horse. At the sound of Jimmy's voice, she goaded Lightning.

"Lou!" Jimmy was increasingly concerned about Lou. After seeing the devastation in her face at his words, his heart had broken. He had been angry with the Kid, not her. But as he had tracked her into this remote area, his temper had begun to heat again. She was in unfamiliar territory and still riding hard. Following the fresh tracks, he urged Sundance toward the stream. He called out again, finally catching sight of her as he reached the water. "Dammit Lou! Stop runnin'!"

She looked over her shoulder while still spurring her mount on. Jimmy saw the low branch ahead of her and shouted a warning, "Lou, look out!"

The branch caught her squarely in the chest, knocking her to the rocky soil. Jimmy quickly dismounted and ran to her still form. "Lou!"

His hands moved quickly over her small frame, searching for wounds. "Pig-headed fool! What were you thinkin'?"

"Leave me alone, Jimmy Hickok." Her strained words came through clenched teeth. "Just leave me alone." She drew in a wheezing breath, trying to recapture the air that had been knocked from her lungs.

Jimmy sat back on his haunches as Lou tried to sit up. He put out a hand to help her, only to have it swatted away. Sighing, he shook off his anger at her recklessness. _She was runnin' from you. You seem to be the fool in this whole thing._

"Lou..." He gentled his tone, but she still wouldn't meet his eyes. "Lou, look at me." She turned her face toward him, but kept her eyes on the ground. He reached out, intending to force her to look in eyes. But as his hand touched her face, he felt an instant heat travel through his body. "Please," his voice was barely more than a whisper.

As their eyes finally met, a single tear streaked down Lou's dusty cheek. Her voice sounded ragged and tired, "Jimmy, I already tole you I was sorry. What more do you want from me?" Her brown eyes looked away, her voice a bare whisper. "Whatever it is you prolly shouldn't get yer hopes too high."

_Dammit, Kid! If ya weren't already dead, I'd kill ya maself._ Jimmy tenderly cradled her face in his hands, relieved when her gaze returned to his. "Lou McCloud, I don't know what's goin' on in that pretty head of yers, but I'm tryin' to apologize." Her eyes widened with surprise.

"But ya said you were furious with me." Lou tried to shake off his gentle hold, confused by his words.

"No, I said I was furious." His hands dropped to her shoulders, his hold firm and, he hoped, reassuring, "I just never got the chance to say who I was furious with..." He raised his voice slightly when her mouth opened to interrupt, "And it ain't you."

Her mouth snapped shut. "But..."

"I'm mad at the Kid fer leavin' ya like that." _And I could kill 'im for breakin' yer heart and yer spirit._

"Everybody leaves, Jimmy. It ain't Kid's fault." She pushed herself back up to her feet, her voice sounding almost nonchalant as she continued. "He was bound to figure it out sooner or later."

The calm acceptance in her voice worried Jimmy more than the tears and despair. "What the hell are ya talkin' about?"

"Me! I ain't meant ta have no one." Lou's eyes bore into his, and he could tell she believed every word she said.

"C'mon, Lou, that's crazy..." His heart sank at hearing the certainty in her voice.

"My ma... Emma and Sam... Ike and Noah... Kid... Jeremiah..." Lou swallowed hard before continuing. "And the doctor says Theresa's heart was made weak by the fever." She shook her head and turned away from him. "It's just a matter of time before Rachel, Buck, and Teaspoon have had enough of me. And if Cody makes it back, it'll be the same for him before long."

"What about me?" Jimmy tried to keep his voice calm, even though he wanted to shout at her and shake her until she realized her worth.

Lou laughed, a mirthless sound grating on his ears. "You left me after Blue Creek and Hopkins." She spun toward him. "Then again on the way to Fort Kearney with Elias Mills. So maybe you best be on yer way now and make it three for three."


	7. Chapter 7

Jimmy paled at Lou's words. _Now what? _How could he possibly hope to make her see the truth when he was no longer certain exactly what the truth was. Had he really left her? Thrown back in his face like this, it did start to look like he abandoned her. _It was for her own good!_ Or was just for his own protection?

Lou's burst of temper dissolved into obvious disappointment. "Just leave me be, Jimmy." She pushed past him.

"Lou, wait." He reached out, grasping her upper arm. "Ya got this all wrong. We all love ya, and that won't change."

She shook off his hold. "Don't make promises ya can't keep."

Jimmy lost his grip on his temper. "Dammit Lou! Why are ya bein' like this? Why are ya so determined to push us away?"

She spun to face him, her eyes narrowing. "You got a lotta nerve sayin' that to me. 'Sides I done tole ya, everybody leaves."

"They prolly will if you push 'em out the door!" The second the words left his lips, he wished he could call them back. She flinched as if he had struck her. "Lou, I'm sorry."

She turned and walked to her horse. "I didn't mean that, Lou." Her head dropped to Lightning's neck. The horse whickered softly.

"I lied to ya earlier." Her voice sounded old and tired. "When I said Kid never wrote, it wasn't 'zactly true. He wrote me one letter just after he left."

Jimmy was confused by the change in topic. He asked cautiously, "What did he say?"

Lou opened her saddlebag and drew out a worn envelope. She never turned back toward him, but held the letter out. "Here. Read it... Enjoy the story, but there ain't no happy endin's here." As he took the letter from her hand, she continued, defeated. "I'm gonna head back to the ranch. I don't wanna worry Theresa any more than I already have."

"I'll get Sundance-" Jimmy turned to collect his horse when her words froze him in place.

"Don't. I didn't ask for yer company, and I don't need ya watchin' me like a nursemaid. You said yer piece." She swung back up to the saddle.  
"Lou, don't go like this." Jimmy didn't know what to say to reach through her self-doubt.

"I know it's outta character for me to be the one leavin', but don't worry, Jimmy, I'm sure you'll still get yer chance." With that Lou kicked Lightning into motion.

_How could I have made such a mess of this? _ Why did she have to mention Blue Creek and Fort Kearney? Did she want him to pour his heart out and admit he had loved her for years? Did she expect him to confess that he had dreamt of her? Of her smile? Of her eyes? _No, Fool! She doesn't think you care for her as anything other than a friend, maybe a sister._ He had sisters, and what he felt for her was not what a brother felt for sister. No, she clearly thought he held no affection of any kind for her.

Shaking off those uncomfortable thoughts, Jimmy realized he still held Kid's letter in his hand. Part of him felt he shouldn't read it, despite her words. But curiosity won out, and he drew the well-worn sheets from the envelope.

_Dear Louise-_

_I hate how we left things. Sometimes it's like you want to hold me closer, and then you practically push me out the door. I know you love me, but you have to understand how important Virginia is to who I am. Love is important, but you loving me ain't enough to make me forget promises I made before I met you. We both said a lot of things in anger that last night, but I never should have said those things about you and Jimmy, or the others. It was wrong of me. I'm sorry if I hurt you, it was never my intent. _

_And I know you wanted to change my mind, but lying to me about carrying our child was wrong. There's nothing you could've done to make me stay. One day soon you'll see that I made the right decision. It'll be hard for a while, but you'll see that I had no choice but to leave. No one expects the war to last long, so I figure I'll be home before you know it. Like I told you before, I ain't the first person to ever leave, nor will I be the last._

_Take care of Theresa, Jeremiah, Katy, and yourself. _

_Love,_  
_Kid_

Jimmy's head dropped to his hand. Lou had obviously read and reread this letter. And from everything she had said today, he felt as if Kid had branded these words on her heart. He was ashamed of his own angry words to her. And he knew Kid didn't mean everything the way Lou was taking it now, but how could he make her see? Maybe spending time with the family in Rock Creek would be enough to open her eyes. _C'mon, Jimmy, you know how stubborn that woman is... It's part of why you've always loved her so much._

He looked at the letter again. _What the hell did he say about me? And who are the others? And what's this about a child?_ Glancing in the direction she had ridden minutes earlier, Jimmy quickly mounted his horse and followed Lou's tracks. He wanted some answers and to try to talk some sense into her. He only hoped this time she would listen.

* * *

_**I just wanted to say thank you for all the kind words. I was so intimidated to start writing again and posting (let's just say it scared the whosiewhatsis out of me!). I don't have any friends who share these interests, so I have to bounce all my ideas off myself (and my dog). The dog and I were fully expecting Jimmy to man up and kiss Lou, but it seems Jimmy might have to work himself up to being vulnerable. **_

_**Thanks for being so welcoming :)**_


	8. Chapter 8

"Rider comin'!" Buck's voice broke the silence surrounding the house. "It's Lou!"

"Thank God," murmured Rachel. "Is Jimmy with her?"

"It looks like him comin' in the distance, but they ain't together" Buck hurried down from his perch in the hayloft. He'd tried to find things to keep himself busy, but like Rachel and Teaspoon he had eventually given up the pretense and just kept watch. He could still hear her anguished words in his heart, see her grief-stricken face. He had felt the same way about Little Bird so many years ago. If only he had done things differently, she wouldn't have been taken. Eventually he had been able to see the truth, but it had been a hard path to free his spirit from the chains of grief and guilt.

"Well, that don't bode too well fer Jimmy." Teaspoon gave voice to all their thoughts. Jimmy and Lou had always been the most stubborn of the riders.

"Or us, if history is any indication," muttered Rachel.

Buck shook his head. Rachel didn't know how right she was. He had always suspected that Jimmy's feelings for Lou went beyond the brotherly affection he himself felt for her, but the anguish he had seen in Jimmy's face when she bolted... His brother was in deep, which meant he was going to do something to wreck it.

Buck had always suspected that Lou was kinda sweet on Jimmy back when they were riding. And Jimmy would push everyone away when they got too close or when he got too close to them. James Hickok was a good man, but Wild Bill could get you killed. Buck sighed inwardly. If only Jimmy would realize that his family loved him enough to take the risk. That maybe letting them get close would change his destiny.

Lou reached the barn and dismounted as fluidly as if she had never stopped riding for a living. Her eyes were riveted to the ground at their feet, unable to meet their faces.

"I'm sorry 'bout earlier. I shouldn'ta run." Everything about her rigid stance demanded distance.

Rachel, Buck, and Teaspoon ignored her unspoken wishes and came closer. Rachel sighed and wrapped her arms around Lou's stiff frame.

"Oh Lou! You have nothin' to be sorry for... Life happened." Rachel held her tight, like she was comforting a child after a nightmare. "It happens to all of us."

Teaspoon laid a reassuring hand on Lou's shoulder. "We're just glad yer back where ya belong. It don't matter how ya got here."

Buck watched as Lou's stern facade began to crumble. The tension in her slender frame began to dissolve in the face of such obvious love. Her eyes met his, and he could see her warring with herself. He knew her well enough to understand that her heart wanted to trust them, while her mind tried to build walls to keep them away. He knew there were still things that she hadn't told them, but he hoped they could show her that it didn't matter what secrets she had. She was loved, cherished. Buck smiled gently, willing his sister to accept their care and concern.

Sundance's hoofbeats sounded in the distance, bringing Jimmy ever closer. To Buck's dismay, Lou pulled away from them. Her small hands swiped across her face, as if she were ashamed of her momentary softening. By the time Jimmy dismounted, Lou was pushing past them and heading to the house.

"I best check on Theresa. I gotta 'pologize fer upsettin' her and runnin' off like a child."

"Lou!" At Jimmy's call she momentarily froze, then continued up the steps.

"We ain't done talkin', Lou!" The screen door slammed as if to answer.

"Son, dontcha think ya oughtta give 'er some room to breathe?" Teaspoon turned to look at Jimmy, raising his hands as if to keep the younger man back. "You keep chasin' her, an' she'll keep a runnin'. Just like she used to with the Kid."

Buck studied Jimmy's face. His brother was agitated, looking ready to run in a hundred different directions. _Oh yeah, he's got it bad..._ Jimmy looked up and caught Buck's assessing gaze. Their eyes met, and Buck knew that something was tormenting his friend. _Jimmy knows he's in love with her. He looks terrified!_ Buck wondered what would scare Jimmy more, realizing he loved Lou or losing her...

"C'mon." Buck laid his hand on Jimmy's arm. "Let's see to the horses." _And then we'll see to you..._


	9. Chapter 9

Buck followed Jimmy into the barn, each of them leading a horse. Jimmy put the saddles and tack away, while Buck fed and watered both horses and began rubbing Lightning down. He noticed his brother standing near Sundance, staring at the curry comb in his hands.

"Horse ain't gonna brush himself." Except for a slight huff of breath, Buck saw no reaction as he continued to brush Lou's horse.

Jimmy finally looked up, meeting Buck's assessing gaze. "You got somethin' ta say ta me, get it said."

Buck stepped away from Lightning. "Teaspoon tole ya to apologize 'til she believed ya. Well, I saw her face when she rode back in. Nothin' changed." He saw a flash of emotion register briefly in Jimmy's eyes. For a split second there had been great sorrow in their depths, then it was gone. _Interesting. _

"You think you coulda done better, Buck?" Jimmy's voice growled with anger, his posture begging for confrontation.

"Maybe I do." _How much farther will I have to push him before he finally breaks?_ "Maybe I just care 'bout her more." They now stood toe to toe.

"Like hell..." Buck almost missed his brother's words since they came as Jimmy shoved him back violently. He dodged the fist that immediately followed.

Buck didn't really want to fight Jimmy, but knew it was the best way to get him to open up. He was honest enough with himself to admit that at least a small part of him wanted to knock some sense into the obstinate gunfighter. He took a quick jab with his left hand, connecting with Jimmy's right eye. His moment of triumph was brief as Jimmy's fist made contact with his stomach.

They went at each other as if there were no love between them, each attempting to exorcise the pain and confusion brought on by Lou's arrival. So immersed were they in their attempts to bloody each other, that they didn't hear Teaspoon's shouts. When he doused them with a bucket of water, he gained their full attention.

"What in the hell is goin' on? You two are family... brothers. Beatin' each other to a bloody pulp might feel pretty good right now, but it ain't gonna solve nothin'." The marshal looked from one man to the other. "What do you think is gonna happen when Rachel, Theresa, _and Lou_ see your faces?"

Jimmy's head dropped. He ran his hand through his hair, his face showing shame and regret. "Yer right, Teaspoon." He sighed and looked at Buck. "It's all my fault. I started it."

Buck felt his eyes widen with shock. He extended his hand, a gesture of peace. "Brother, we are both to blame."

"Right. Now that that's all settled and water under the bridge... You wanna tell me just what happened out there, Jimmy? Why was that girl ridin' as if the hounds of hell were on her heels _both ways_?" Teaspoon folded his arms and scrutinized his deputy.

Jimmy turned away and took a deep breath before turning back to face this demon. "I tried to tell 'er I was sorry, but she wasn't havin' it. She said it was just a matter of time 'til we all left her."

Buck watched as Jimmy's gaze dropped to the ground. "How's she so sure?"

"Said everyone but Theresa, Rachel, Cody, and you two had already left her."

Buck noted the conspicuous absence of Jimmy's own name from that list.

"Lordy..." Teaspoon ran his hand over the scruff on his chin. "This don't sound like our Lou... How many times did I stop maself from goin' to Virginia to find her and Kid?" Teaspoon suddenly looked years older. "I told maself it was their life to live as they saw fit. That they might not even be in Virginia." He drew a weary breath. "And all thet time ma girl was already sufferin'."

A tear escaped and streaked down his grizzled cheek. Without another word, Teaspoon turned and walked away. As the door shut behind the man Buck considered a father, he turned back to Jimmy.

"What is it you ain't tellin'? Why weren't you in that list with the rest of us?"

Jimmy's eyes darted around the barn, looking for escape. Finally he walked over to a hay bale and flopped down, looking older than Teaspoon. "She said I already left her. That I left her before she married the Kid."

"That's crazy! You were 'er best friend. Ya gave 'er away at 'er wedding." _Unless... All this time?_

Jimmy finally met Buck's eyes, shocking him with the amount of emotion he saw there. His brother was usually adept at bottling his feelings before anyone had the chance to detect where his heart laid.

"She's right." Jimmy leaned his head back against the barn wall. "I good as left 'er more than once... Tole maself I was doin' it fer 'er own good. Pushed her toward the Kid." He chuckled humorlessly. "Thought I was so smart... Savin' her from heartbreak... Savin' her from me."

Buck was nearly speechless. _Maybe Kid was right to be jealous of Jimmy back then._ "C'mon, Jimmy-"

"What?" Jimmy pushed himself to his feet and started to pace. "You gonna tell me it's alright 'cause it was so long ago? Or 'cause the Kid loved 'er? Well I loved 'er too! And I knew I weren't good enough for her." He stopped in front of Buck, their eyes connecting. The heat left his voice, replaced instead by sadness. "Thought I was so damned smart... I just didn't know the Kid weren't good enough for 'er neither."

Both men were quiet. Buck's mind raced, trying to reexamine their mutual pasts. He'd known Jimmy and Lou were close, like he and Ike had been. But he'd never realized why. Buck had always thought they all saw Lou as a sister, except for Kid of course. Jimmy had always stuck up for Lou and her right to be included in every challenge they faced, had even fought with the Kid over it more than once. But it seemed Kid and Jimmy had more in common than he'd ever realized. They both had a strong sense of honor and friendship, but where Kid would tell everyone what he thought was right, Jimmy would just do it. And they both loved the same woman. But Kid wanted Louise, while Jimmy was always happy with Lou. Maybe the Kid loved by holdin' on tight, but Jimmy loved by letting go.


	10. Chapter 10

_One week later_

Lou walked out the barn, her mind on all the tasks she could tackle for the day. If she could just keep moving, keep working... Maybe she wouldn't have to think about how she had laid herself bare to her family. They had all been accepting and reassuring. Except for Jimmy. She had managed to avoid him since that awful argument her first day back. He had been kept busy in town, though Lou suspected Teaspoon might have something to do with his hectic schedule.

Rachel tried to coax her into conversations, as did Teaspoon. Buck was often with her, but seemed willing to give her space and time. Lou sometimes felt bad about keeping them at arms' length, but she wasn't ready to answer questions. She had shared much about her disastrous years in Virginia, but she wasn't quite prepared to give up all her ghosts. She hadn't even meant to share Kid's letter with Jimmy. But part of her wanted to blurt out all the ugliness she held inside.

She had imagined it several times already. She would tell them everything, confess each sin. Their faces would probably show their shock initially. But that would soon be replaced with disgust and anger. And if they didn't leave her, they would force her to go. They might not say the words, but it would be obvious she wasn't wanted.

Theresa tried to convince her that she was wrong. '_C'mon, Lou. They love you. I love you.'_ And that was the worst part. Lou knew there was love for her. But how could she accept it when she knew it was undeserved? There was a tiny corner of her heart that begged her to take the chance, to remember how wonderful it felt to truly be part of a family and be loved. A voice would always come to her as she was about to give in, reminding her how it felt when Kid left.

Right now she was locked in a dance with destiny. That she was meant to be alone in this world was a fact she no longer doubted. But she sought to delay the inevitable. And so she pushed them all away, hoping they would try to hold on to her... Afraid they might succeed. It was exhausting, this endless struggle within her. She was losing her way. At night her mind refused to quiet, making sleep elusive if not impossible. During the day it drove her to work her way to oblivion. And when the darkest of her dark thoughts began to torment her...

She saddled Lightning and set out to work on the new fence. The back door slammed, and she heard Rachel call out.

"Lou! What about breakfast?" She couldn't quite make out Rachel's face, but her tone was concerned.

"I already ate somethin'." Misleading perhaps, but not a lie. "I'll be back later."  
"But Lou!" Rachel's voice faded as Lou urged Lightning to a gallop. She headed toward the end of the completed span of fence to begin work. Buck had business to take care of in town and at the livery. He had told her that the fence could wait until he came back, but Lou thought this was just the kind of job she could lose herself in for a few hours. She appreciated the space Buck gave her, but she could still feel his concern like a weight on her shoulders.

She reached the end of the fence and got to work.

* * *

Jimmy rode out to the ranch, determined to talk to Lou. He had allowed Teaspoon to keep him away long enough. At first he was a bit relieved to avoid her. He wasn't even sure what he was going to say. He knew he had to ask her about the letter. _What the hell did Kid mean by all that?_ The one thing he knew he couldn't bring up was how he felt about her. He couldn't go down that road. She was sure everyone would leave, and he knew that he was the one person in her life most likely to go. He would never walk away from her willingly, and contrary to her beliefs he never had before either.

He had never wanted anything or anyone the way he wanted her. He had felt lust before. Affection too. He had cared for other women, but no one was like her. She was the only woman who had managed to find a lasting place in his heart. Lou was a friend, and at one point he had been tempted to make her more. But "Wild Bill" had no business getting close to someone worth caring about. The fools drawn by the lure of outshooting a legend wouldn't care if they hurt her, he'd already seen it happen in Willow Springs. He loved her too much to put her in that kind of danger each day, nor did he want to be responsible for leaving her behind like the Kid.

_Damn you, Kid!_ He had stepped aside because the Kid had promised Lou the very life he never could have. Security and peace. And then he took her away and left her alone, worse than alone. She was alone and waiting, always waiting. Waiting for him to return. Waiting for her life to begin.

Even if he wanted to tell Lou what was in his heart, how could he? She was Kid's. She was still counting the days since he died. He needed to remember where her loyalties would be. She had loved the Kid for years, he couldn't expect her to be ready to move on. How could he compete with the Kid's memory? _Don't be a fool! What'n the hell do you think you could offer her anyway?_

He reached the house and tried to prepare himself to face Lou. "Lou? Rachel? Theresa?"

"In the kitchen, Jimmy." Rachel's voice came to him through the open windows. He walked through the back door and found the table laden with breakfast.

"Looks like I'm just in time." He smiled at Rachel as he swiped a biscuit and took a bite.

Rachel gave him an amused look. "I guess that would depend on what you came for. If it's breakfast you want, you have perfect timin'." Her face grew serious. "But if you wanted to catch Lou, you're too late. She already rode out of here 'bout half an hour ago. I figure she went to work on the fence."

"But I saw Buck in town before I left. He was gonna start this afternoon." Jimmy pulled out a chair and sat down. "She left before breakfast?"

"Said she already ate," hmphed Rachel. "She hasn't eaten enough to keep a bird alive since she's been here, so I don't know how much I believe that."

"Is she tryin' ta work herself into an early grave or just starve to death?" Jimmy's voice was tight with anger.

Theresa's voice answered from the hallway, "She be happy either way."

"I'm sorry, Theresa. I-" Jimmy silently cursed his temper.

She reached his side and placed a soothing hand on his arm as she sat down. "Don't be. You're exactly right. Sometimes I think that's what she's hopin' for." She gave Jimmy and Rachel a rueful smile. "I was really hopin' that things would be different here. She was so lookin' forward to gettin' here, but the closer we got to Rock Creek... The more she sort of retreated."

"She was like this in Virginia too?" Rachel joined them at the table.

Theresa shook her head sadly. "If you can believe it, she was worse. She worked herself from sunup to sundown. It wasn't quite as bad when 'Miah was still livin'. But when we got sick and then lost 'Miah..." She shrugged. "She didn't really say much to y'all about it, but she had the fever too. I still don't know how she not only pulled through, but managed to take care of me and him. Sometimes I think she's too stubborn to let anything get in her way."

Jimmy and Rachel had to smile. They were both well acquainted with Lou's stubborn streak.

"I don't know how she dragged herself to that barn to feed the horses or how she could take care of the two of us. She don't like for me to say I owe her my life, but she blames herself for losin' Jeremiah. I was finally gettin' to the age that she could be more of my sister and less like my ma. But then the typhoid came and she had to be my ma again." Theresa stopped to take a drink. "'Miah's passin' hit us both hard, but that and my heart meant that she had to shoulder all the responsibilities of the farm on her own until..."

"Until Kid came home," finished Rachel.

"Right. And then came word that he was wounded and real sick. By the time she found him, he was gone too. Then she really was alone." They were all silent for several minutes, before Theresa continued. "I'm so glad she came back here. And I know she ain't been easy to live with, but I also know that you won't give up on her. I, I know that I don't have much time left." Her voice caught. "I don't have much time left, but it makes it easier knowin' that you'll be here for her."

"Oh, Theresa, don't talk like that!" Rachel covered the girl's hand with her own. "This clean air and sunshine will get you strong in no time."

"It's okay, Rachel." Theresa smiled. "I don't wanna die, but I ain't afraid. 'Miah and Ma will be waitin' for me, Kid too... But I am worried about Lou. She ain't gonna take it well. She won't even let me talk about it with her. I hate knowin' that this will be one more thing that brings her pain. She'll think she failed me, even though everyone knows I'd never have even made it this far without her."

She looked at Jimmy knowingly. "It does my heart good to know that she's with people who love her. She might be stubborn as a mule and proud to a fault, but she's the best person I've ever known. And I know you all feel the same way. I just hope I have time to make her see it too."


	11. Chapter 11

Lou leaned against the handle of her shovel and swiped the back of her hand across her forehead. The mid-September weather was unusually warm, and that, coupled with her exertion, had her roasting. She had been foolish to not bring her canteen, but she'd been in such a hurry to get away from Rachel... She payed for her imprudence every time she had to walk back to the creek for a drink. Taking a deep breath, she dug back into the hard ground, determined to get another post set in place.

Her head was swimming. Every move she made seemed to require more and more effort. The shovel refused to cooperate with her endeavors and merely bounced against the packed soil at her feet. She began to have the sensation that her limbs were no longer under her own control. The shovel fell from her hands. _If only it weren't so hot. _ Lou rubbed her eyes then leaned forward to brace her hands on her legs. _How does the creek keep movin' farther away? _

She managed to take two faltering steps before she tripped over the shovel, falling to her hands and knees. _Yeah, this was worth avoiding a few uncomfortable questions from Rachel. Get up!_ Planting her left foot on the ground, she struggled to stand. Her legs began to cramp and balance failed her, forcing her to stagger forward another step before falling on her face. _The sun's so bright today... I'm just gonna close my eyes a minute, and then I'll get up._ It was her last thought before the darkness claimed her.

* * *

Jimmy rode away from the house, more unsettled than ever. He couldn't say he had been looking forward to talking to Lou after their argument and all the time that had passed, but now he felt even more confused. His anger and frustration were justifiable, but ill suited to gain any ground with her. She seemed to expect harsh treatment and was quick to assume the worst from whatever was said. He needed her to see that he was not another person who judged her lacking.

If he could pour out his heart to her, tell her how much he loved her... Lou might understand that his anger was from his desire to protect her. She wouldn't like it, but she would probably understand. She never liked when the Kid had tried to shelter her, but she understood it was his way. No, he couldn't profess his love to her. She was still in mourning for a man that had been like a brother to him. Kid had been a good man, while he was destined for a life in the shadows. Who had ever counted the days a gunfighter had been dead?

He was fast approaching the end of the fence row. He slowed Sundance to a walk as he saw Lightning come into view. Lou's horse was tethered in the shade of the trees near the creek. As Jimmy dismounted he surveyed the landscape. He could see that Lou had set several posts. But where was she? Looking in the direction of the creek, he could not see her. Patting Lightning on the flank, he walked to the other side of the horses and glanced the hundred yards or so toward the end of the fence. _What the?_

"Lou!" He ran as if her life depended on it, knowing that his life depended on it. "Lou!" _Please let her be alright. Please let her be alive!_

He reached her side and carefully rolled her over. "Lou? C'mon, Sweetheart, ya gotta talk to me." Soaked with sweat, her clothes clung to her petite frame. Jimmy pressed his hand against her forehead and then her cheek. _How can her forehead be so hot and the rest of her so clammy?_ Her breaths were rapid and shallow. "Lou! Dammit!"

He gathered her in his arms and hurried to the shady creek. His mind told him it was likely heat exhaustion, but his heart was gripped with fear for the worst. At the edge of the creek Jimmy bent down. Gently, he laid Lou in the cool, shallow waters.

"Lou? Jimmy?" Jimmy had never been so happy to hear Buck's voice in his life.

"Over here, Buck! In the creek!" Jimmy continued to support Lou's head to keep her face above the water. He could hear Buck's footsteps rapidly approaching.

"What happened?" Buck kneeled at Lou's left side.

"I found her collapsed by the fence row. Looked like heat exhaustion." His eyes never left her face, searching for a sign of improvement. "Thought I better get her cooled off as fast as I could."

Buck shook his head with consternation. "I don't understand this. Why is she pushing herself so hard? I told her we would start after lunch. I came out early, expecting her to do the same. But instead she was out right after breakfast." His words became clipped, his tone frustrated.

"According to Rachel and Theresa, she as good as skipped breakfast." Jimmy's initial fears were giving away to anger.

"Sounds about right. I've shared at least one meal a day with her, and she spends more time pushin' food 'round her plate than anything else." Buck's voice sounded weary and frustrated. "Then she tries to work all day... I've tried to wait her out, follow her lead. But she won't talk to me." Buck looked Jimmy in the eyes before continuing. "I'm afraid... I'm afraid Theresa was right when she said Lou ain't the same anymore. The old Lou could be headstrong and rash, but she was never so reckless. I want to protect her..."

"But how do you protect her from herself?" Jimmy understood exactly what Buck was feeling. "I don't know-" A groan kept Jimmy from continuing his discussion with Buck.

"Lou? You with us?" Pulling a handkerchief from his pocket, Buck dipped it in the cool water and dabbed her forehead and cheeks.

Her eyes fluttered open, though she refused to make eye contact with either man. "What happened? I feel like I been horsekicked?" She struggled to sit up. "Why am I in the creek?"

"Overheated. I found ya layin' in the field." Jimmy's voice was gruffer than he intended. He could still taste the fear that had risen up in him when he saw her unconscious form. "I brought ya to the creek to cool ya off."

At his tone, Lou pulled away as if embarrassed. Jimmy looked at her as if through new eyes. _What if that ain't embarrassment? What if she didn't want to be found?_ She tried to stand but fell weakly back into the water. "Sorry. I didn't mean ta be no trouble."

Sighing deeply, Jimmy stood and offered her his hand. She was weak as a kitten and it wouldn't do any good to tear into her now. "C'mon. Let's get you up and get you back to Rachel's." He pulled her to her feet before sweeping her into his arms. He turned to carry her back to the horses.

"Jimmy, we need to get some water in her first." Buck's voice halted his retreat. "Lou, where's your canteen."

Her head dropped. Noting her reaction, Jimmy muttered in a voice only she could hear. "Don't tell me you didn't bring one. Dammit, Woman." He turned to Buck. "Mine's with Sundance. Let's go."

Within minutes Lou was seated on Sundance in front of Jimmy. She had drunk greedily from his canteen, until he took it from her. Too much water too fast would only cause her more problems.

Once they were on their way Lou leaned her back against his chest and spoke quietly. "I really am sorry, Jimmy. I didn't mean to put you out."

"Dontcha know that ain't it? Ya really think I'm mad that I had to help you?" His voice was also quiet, but the intensity couldn't be mistaken. "I'm worried about ya, Lou. Ya ain't takin' care of yerself, but more than that... Yer bein' careless."

"I know." He felt more than heard her whispered response.

"Why?" One word, resounding with desperation.

"Why not?"

"Ya can't be serious!" He was shocked by the nonchalance in her tone. "Look here - after the doc takes a look at ya, you and me are gonna have a nice long talk." He tightened his hold around her waist, and she merely nodded in response. All week he had avoided her, had avoided the questions that haunted him since they argued. But now he needed answers, and he finally had the feeling that she was ready to give them.

* * *

**Thanks to Jenna for helping me untangle this one :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Note: I am writing with the belief that only Rachel and Kid ever knew what happened between Wicks and Lou.**

* * *

"Alright, Jimmy... Let's get this over with." Lou sat in the shade of the front porch, ensconced in a rocking chair. Two days had passed since she had collapsed in the field. While Jimmy brought her to Rachel's, Buck had fetched the doctor. Everyone had been relieved when the doctor confirmed that she had a simple case of heat exhaustion, though he hadn't hesitated to make clear that she had come dangerously close to suffering a sunstroke.

After the doctor left, she fell into a fitful sleep for nearly a full twenty-four hours. She was frequently awakened by thirst and occasional muscle cramps. Though her friends and her sister had been upset about her reckless behavior, Lou couldn't help but notice that whenever she awoke someone was at her side. For the most part she found this comforting, but nightmares had also plagued her slumber. What if she called out in her sleep?

After all that time spent sleeping, she still felt tired the following day. She spent another day resting in bed. And not, she assured herself, avoiding Jimmy and the conversation she knew was coming. She wasn't one to avoid things, at least she hadn't been in the past. At one time she had been made of sterner stuff than that, and still she sought to maintain that appearance. Inside she felt fragile, as if her body were a thin shell and her soul a tiny wisp of fluff. The strain of her illness strengthened her resolve to tell Jimmy all her secrets. She knew how he would react, how they would all react. Sincerity and good intentions would give way to disgust. She just wanted to be done with it.

And so she found herself finally facing Jimmy. He sat on the porch, his back against the post. To a stranger he might appear relaxed, but she could see the tension around his eyes and mouth. He probably had a million questions, but didn't know where to start. She took a sip of sweet tea and sighed.

"First thing I gotta know... Was what happened out in the field on purpose?" Jimmy looked her straight in the eyes.

Holding his gaze she answered. "If yer wonderin' if I was tryin' to kill or hurt maself, then no. But I wouldn't have been too upset if..." Her voice trailed off as she saw his unhappy reaction.

"If you'd died?" He shook his head in wonder. "Lou, I don't get it. I know ya miss the Kid, we all do. But you dyin' ain't gonna bring 'im back."

Lou laughed bitterly. "Is that what you think I want?"

"Isn't it? I know he was the love of yer life." Jimmy looked confused by her question.

Suddenly feeling very old, Lou leaned her head back against her chair. "Let me tell ya a little fairy tale. Once upon a time, there was a girl named Louise. She growed up fast watchin' her daddy beat on her mama and anyone else who'd crossed 'im. Then when her mama got sick, Louise had to be mama to her brother and sister. Louise buried her mama and went to live in an orphanage. Since her fairy godmother never could seem to find her at that orphanage, she ran away. She had a silly dream of making enough money to take care of her brother and sister." Jimmy stared at her with morbid fascination, as if afraid of what she might say next but unable to look away.

"So Louise found herself in the big city. She was too young for most jobs and the winter grew cold. But one day-" Her voice cracked, and she cursed her own weakness and the power that some memories still held over her. "One day she met a man who treated her real nice. Offered her a job doin' laundry at his fancy boardin' house fer ladies. I should tell you that Louise was stupid. It took her almost two months to realize that it weren't no boardin' house and there weren't no _ladies_ there. Everybody left Louise alone, 'cept for one girl named Charlotte."

At the mention of Charlotte's name, Jimmy started. "Wasn't that friend of yours-"

Lou continued, ignoring Jimmy's interruption. "Then one day little Louise had a birthday. She turned fourteen, still a child to most. But not to _him_, not to Wicks." She glanced back at Jimmy, noting the green cast to his appearance. Wicks was a name he would certainly remember. "Not too long after her birthday, Wicks decided that she was all grown up." She shuddered involuntarily.

"Lou, you don't hafta-" Jimmy's voice was strained, his eyes pleading.

"He went to her room one night and took something from her. He took her childhood, stole her innocence. He hurt her in just about every way possible. Some might say he _killed _Louise, at least for a while." Lou's voice was raw with emotion, but no tears came. "Charlotte helped her escape. And when she got to St. Louis, _Lou_ was born. A few years passed until Lou got a good job and new family. She loved her new family very much, especially Emma. Oh, Emma was like a second mama to Lou. Then she went away. She had a new life to live, so Lou didn't get to see her again. But that wasn't as bad her brothers. Ike and Noah were good men with long lives ahead of 'em, and people who needed 'em... And a sister who wasn't ready to let 'em go. But go they did. Forever too."

She stopped to sip her tea, unable for a moment to continue. It still managed to surprise her just how the pain could feel so fresh. She closed her eyes, assailed by images of her brothers passing from vivid life to cold, hard death. "But it weren't always bad. There was a young man who loved Lou. And she loved 'im too, but it scared 'er. See, this young man seemed to be lookin' for Louise. It was like he weren't quite as happy with Lou bein' Lou. They sparked and they... danced. But then they went their separate ways."

How she summoned the courage to look at Jimmy as she continued, she would never know. "Lou was hurtin' after that. But then a sweet man made 'er feel like a new woman. He showed 'er it was okay to be both Lou _and_ Louise. Then he put his life on the line to save her. He rescued her, but refused to ever speak of it again. It was like he tried to distance himself from 'er." Jimmy looked away as if uncomfortable with her scrutiny. "There was another time when he kissed 'er, but again he refused to talk about it. He seemed determined to get away from Lou. He pushed her toward the Kid and away from himself. He would rather have been with a woman who was only usin' 'im, a woman who ended up gettin' Noah killed, than Lou."

Jimmy stood, his motions showing his agitation. "That ain't true!"

"You wanted the whole story, didn't ya?" Lou's eyes flashed. "Then ya best sit down and listen. We're gettin' to the best parts."


	13. Chapter 13

Jimmy swallowed his arguments. He wanted nothing more than to tell Lou that she was wrong. But his words would have had more to do with regrets than reality. The events she described had all happened; the fact that he desperately wished otherwise had no bearing. Her revelation about Wicks had shocked him. He found himself wishing he could somehow kill a dead man.

But it had been her words about him and Rosemary that hurt the most. He had pushed Lou into the Kid's arms and then took up with a woman incapable of loving him for anything other than what he meant to her cause. He'd let himself be used, and Noah had paid with his life. Jimmy had thought himself in love with Rosemary, but he'd soon realized that he was drawn by the excitement she offered. Not long after Kid and Lou left Rock Creek, he and Rosemary had gone their separate ways.

"Now where were we?" Lou's voice interrupted his tumultuous thoughts. She rocked gently in the old chair. "Ah, yes... The Kid proposed to Lou, promisin' to never ride on without 'er. And they really loved each other, so they got married. I know what yer thinkin'... This is where the happy endin' starts. That's what Lou thought too. But like I told ya before, Lou was stupid. She thought they would get her brother and sister from the orphanage and go home. To a home that really was home, like Rock Creek or Sweetwater. But then they up and moved to Virginia."

Lou chuckled mirthlessly. "Still Lou thought they could be happy together in the Kid's homeland. Stupid, stupid Lou. They were barely settled in this strange, new land before the Kid enlisted. Despite his promises, he planned to leave 'er. Hell, he couldn't get away from 'er fast enough. She'd always been a proud woman, but poor, stupid Lou _begged_ him not to go. Nothin' she said could change his mind. She told 'im she loved 'im, but he said it weren't enough. He had to fight for Virginia. So then she told 'im the one thing she knew would change his mind."

Jimmy stared at Lou with sense of dawning horror. _Dear Lord..._

"Lou told 'im she was gonna have a baby. He called 'er... called 'er a liar. Oh, she hadn't be to the doctor yet, but she knew. _She knew!_ And then he told 'er he was leavin' the next day. Said anyone else woulda done the same. No, she said, her brothers never woulda left her. Jimmy never woulda left her." Lou folded her arms across her middle as if to ward off the chill of unhappy memories.

"So the Kid helpfully pointed out to poor, stupid Lou just how everyone had or would leave 'er. None of her brothers would want her like he did, especially Jimmy. Lou had to admit that none of them had ever challenged Kid for 'er heart. And the only one she ever talked to about it wasn't interested, hell he gave her away. They'd all had their own lives to go on with. She was in their past. But he was 'er future, he said. I don't know how she ever managed to fall asleep that night. She'd told 'im she wanted to talk to 'im in the mornin'. But when she woke up, he was already gone. He left without sayin' goodbye. He didn't even say goodbye to Theresa and 'Miah. And about three days later she got a letter from 'im." She sighed. "She never heard from 'im again. Now she wrote to 'im regular-like for a while, but she never sent a one. Wouldn't've had any idea where to send 'em." Lou finally met his eyes, and Jimmy could see the hurt welling up.

"Yer probably thinkin' this is the part where she has a baby with his eyes and his smile, so she can at least remember him that way. Instead, let's talk about soldiers. Confederate soldiers. The same soldiers that the Kid had run off to join. They were always about, it seemed. The whole troops weren't so bad. It was the stragglers and the deserters you had to watch fer. 'Cept one day she didn't." Lou stood and walked to the edge of the porch, staring out across the open land. Somehow, Jimmy held his tongue. And though he needed to hear her story, he did'nt want to listen to another word.

"One evenin' Lou went out to the barn to take care of the horses. There was a deserter hidin' in a stall. He jumped her. When she came to... he was... doin' things to 'er. Usin' 'er." Lou's voice broke as she choked back a sob. "Hurtin' 'er. She fought 'im as best she could, and he just laughed. She couldn't risk screamin' and drawin' Theresa out of the house. He might not've been alone. But then 'Miah came out to check on her. He tried to fight that man. But he was losin'. Lou thought she was about to watch her brother die, so she did what she had to do. She grabbed the first thing handy and killed 'im." Jimmy walked up behind Lou, laying his hand on her trembling shoulder.

"Lou..." His voice was a bare whisper.

"I ain't sorry." Her voice shook, despite her defiant words.

"But I am. I'm sorry ya had to face that alone. But ya did the world a favor." His voice was gruff with emotion. "And ya protected yer brother and sister."

She continued as if he hadn't spoken, her voice sounding distant and detached. "I choked the life out of 'im with a bridle. Do you have any idea how long it takes to do that? It felt like hours. Then I went back in the house and pretended nothin' happened. Once Theresa was in bed, 'Miah helped me drag his body away and bury it. And that night... That night the baby left too."

She turned to him, tears finally streaming freely down her face. "Why, Jimmy? Why? What's so wrong with me? Why do I hafta end up alone? Why can't someone love me enough to stay?" Her questions dissolved into sobs.

"Oh, Lou..." He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her tightly against his chest. His heart broke for all she had endured. He longed to tell her that he loved her. That he would never leave her. But that was the one promise he could never give. A part of him woke every morning wondering if it would be his last. _Would today be the day someone outdrew Wild Bill? _ Someday the answer would be yes. And he would be one more person who left her.

She was sobbing loudly, so he simply murmured soothing words and apologies. "Shh... Lou, baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." A soft sound behind him caused Jimmy to turn his head back toward the front door. There he saw Rachel with a pitcher of tea. By the tears streaming down her face he knew she'd been standing there for a while. Their eyes met, and each could see the same concern reflected.

* * *

Theresa sat by the open, upstairs window weeping freely. She knew she shouldn't have eavesdropped, but when she woke up from her nap and heard her name... Then she heard the horrors her sister had endured. Lou had tried so hard to protect her from everything. She'd nearly given her own life more than once.

She now understood why her older sister had changed so much. She missed the old Lou who teased and laughed, and she hated knowing that she would be the cause of more pain to her beloved big sister. Her weak heart would be the death of her according to the doctor back in Virginia. If only there were some way she wouldn't have to leave her sister alone. Theresa had peacefully accepted her lot ever since she was diagnosed. But now something inside her rebelled and raged against her fate.

With the back of her hand, she wiped away her tears. She would talk to Teaspoon. He always seemed ready to give advice to everyone. Maybe he would have an idea how she could start to fight this coming darkness. She wouldn't mention anything to her sister yet. It felt almost more cruel to risk giving Lou false hope. For once she would do the protecting.


	14. Chapter 14

"Um, Teaspoon? Are you busy?" Theresa had managed to convince her sister that she would be fine walking to the Marshal's office alone. Lou and Rachel were at Tompkin's store to buy supplies, and Theresa wanted privacy for this conversation.

Teaspoon pushed his hat back and sat up straight, smiling at the girl who looked so much like her older sister. "For you, ma dear, I always have time. What brings my favorite girl here?"

Theresa blushed with pleasure. It felt so good to be someplace with friends who cared about her. To know that that she and her sister weren't alone anymore. "I was hopin' you could give me some advice. And maybe help me with somethin'."

"Well, Theresa, let me tell ya... I done lived a lotta years and done a lotta things. And I'd be more than happy to share the benefit of my experiences and knowledge with ya." He nodded his head to her, much as a gentleman would when acknowledging a lady. Pushing his chair back, he patted the edge of his desk. Theresa approached and sat where he indicated. Noting her serious expression, he studied her face before continuing. "And I hope you and your sister both know that I will do anything in ma power to help ya. Just say the word."

"Well, here's the thing, Teaspoon. Ya can't say anything to Lou about any of this, alright?" When he looked ready to interrupt, Theresa plunged forward with her explanation. "I reckon you heard about what ma sister told Jimmy. Well she don't know it, but I heard it too. She's been through so much and always been there fer me. So I don't want ta get 'er hopes up or upset 'er."

Teaspoon raised an eyebrow at her rushed words. "Alright. I'm not too sure what I'm promisin' not to tell, but ya have ma word on it. I think..." He shook his head in befuddlement. "Now maybe you should tell me whatever it is I ain't supposed to tell"

***

Buck sat in the office attached to the livery running through the accounts. His business was prospering. He'd never expected to be a businessman, let alone a successful one. Yet here he was. Rising from the hard wooden chair, he rubbed his back absentmindedly. _Maybe I have enough profit to afford a more comfortable chair._ The thought left his mind as he stepped out on the boardwalk and saw Teaspoon approaching, Theresa on his arm.

A smile curved his lips. "Well hello. What brings you to the livery? I told Lou and Rachel I would be out to the ranch later. Um, not that I mind the company."

Teaspoon smiled down at Theresa before looking Buck. "Miss Theresa came to me fer some advice and assistance. I done advised her, but I think you might be better suited fer the assistin'. It seems this sweet gal has decided that maybe the doctors could be wrong about her."

Theresa smiled at Buck before looking shyly at the ground. "It just seems that maybe there's somethin' that could help my heart. I always just accepted what the doctor said about me dyin'. It certainly feels true enough sometimes." She looked at Buck again. This time he could see the determination in her eyes. "But I decided I ain't ready to just give up. I owe it to maself to fight. And I think I owe it to Lou, too"

Teaspoon patted Theresa's hand. "I told her we would all appreciate havin' her around forever. And I thought you might be able to help her with some medicines that the Kiowa might use." He face turned serious as he continued. "Miss Theresa thought, and I agree, that maybe we shouldn't mention any uh this to Lou. Don't know how she'd take it, especially if anything went wrong."

Buck took in everything they said, nodding faintly. "It'll take some doin', keepin' this from 'er. You know how stubborn she can be. 'Specially if she thinks we're hidin' somethin'." He looked at Theresa and gave her a reassuring smile. "But this is worth it. I need to gather some supplies, but I'd be happy to help in any way I can."

"Thanks, Buck. I really appreciate all the trouble..." Theresa smiled, and for a moment Buck could see Lou in her delicate features.

He raised a hand to interrupt her. "No need to thank me, _Tdaun_. It's what families do, and you will always be family."

* * *

Teaspoon escorted Theresa back to Tompkin's store just as Lou and Rachel were loading their purchases in the wagon.

"There you are! I was startin' to worry." Lou frowned slightly as her sister climbed into the back of the wagon.

"Oh, Lou. I told ya I was fine walkin' over to see Teaspoon. You worry too much." Theresa smiled at her sister's consternation.

Teaspoon draped his arm across Lou's shoulders, his other hand occupied with stroking his chin. "It seems that McCloud ladies never cotton to folks frettin' over 'em." He couldn't contain his smile when she stuck her tongue out at him. _That's ma girl!_ "Let me help ya up, Lou."

Lou gained her seat next to Rachel and turned back to him. "Thanks, Teaspoon. Will you be out later with Buck?"

"Well, Barnett's got the night off, so either Jimmy or I will be here. I reckon whoever draws the long straw will be out for dinner." Teaspoon noted how Lou blushed at the mention of Jimmy's name. _Inter-es-tin'..._ He waved as they called their goodbyes and headed back to the ranch. Maybe he would have to find a way make sure Jimmy pulled that long straw.


	15. Chapter 15

Sweat rolled down Lou's spine, making her wonder why she wouldn't relinquish her spot at the stove for a few minutes. She had insisted to Rachel that she wanted to make dinner tonight. Rachel had done all the cooking since Lou and Theresa's arrival. She told herself that she wanted to prove to everyone that she had turned out to be a good cook after all. It had nothing to do with wanting to impress Jimmy. She shook her head at that thought. Jimmy might not even be coming to dinner this evening, it could be Teaspoon at the table this evening. A flash of disappointment struck her.

"Oh, Lou, you really are a fool, " she muttered.

"What was that, Lou?" came Rachel's voice from where she was setting the table.

"Um... I said... I hope that breeze feels really cool." She grimaced at her lack of creativity. "It's pretty hot over the stove."

"Why don't you let me tend that stew for a few minutes, so you can step out for some air?" Before Lou realized what was happening, Rachel had managed to take the spoon from her hand and push her across the room and then out the door.

"Gosh, why don't I just do that?" Her sarcastic tone made Rachel smile before she returned to the stove.

Looking across the open prairie, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Since sharing her secrets with Jimmy and Rachel overhearing, she had begun to feel more comfortable. Now even Teaspoon and Buck knew the whole sordid story. Part of her still believed that they would eventually decide she wasn't worth having around, but another part was just so tired of keeping her distance from everyone and everything. She wanted to believe in love. The love of friends. The love of family. The love of a good man.

_A man like Jimmy._

"A man like me what?" asked Jimmy, startling her with his nearness.

"What?" Lou couldn't believe she had been daydreaming so much that she missed his arrival. She looked for Sundance.

As if reading her mind, he smiled. "I got here about half an hour ago, I was helpin' Buck with somethin' in the barn." Lou felt her cheeks flush as he repeated his question, "A man like Jimmy what?"

"Oh, um, a man like Jimmy would never sneak up on a woman." _Wow, Lou, you should write these down. 'Quick Thinking and Snappy Comebacks' by Louise McCloud. _As she tried to convince herself that he would believe her, she realized that Jimmy had asked her another question. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I said, Do you really expect me to believe that?" His smile broadened, and his eyes twinkled with merriment. "But I can see that you were hopin' I would, so I'll just ask if Rachel's done cookin' dinner. Is she?"

Lou opened her mouth to answer, but before she could utter a sound Theresa stuck her head out the door and spoke. "Actually, Jimmy, Lou cooked dinner tonight. Rachel's just takin' it off the stove, if you want to tell Buck and get washed up."

As Theresa withdrew into the house, Jimmy turned back to Lou. Still smiling he slipped past her, intent on retrieving Buck. "You cooked, huh? Should we be scared?"

Lou's gaze narrowed. "I'll have you know, I'm a perfectly good cook. How else do you think I ate for the last few years?"

Her words froze his movements. He turned back and, before Lou knew what he was doing, put his hands on her waist, lifting her effortlessly. "I don't know, Lou. You and Theresa are both light as a feather. Cookin' can't be that good, else you'd be eatin' more of it."

At the feel of his strong hands, Lou had gasped. An unexpected sensation flooded her with warmth. She had been wary of being touched by anyone since her encounter with the deserter. She had learned to accept the comforting touch of family, but this was different. Her eyes widened with the realization that she liked the feel of Jimmy's hands on her waist. Her cheeks flushed involuntarily as she thought about how they might feel on other parts of her body.

Jimmy, mistaking her reaction for embarrassment, quickly set her down and withdrew his hands. His mouth opened and closed before he finally spoke. "Uh, sorry, Lou. I was just teasin'... I better go get Buck and wash up." He quickly walked around the side of the house toward the barn.

Lou craned her neck around around the side of the house, watching Jimmy's form as it retreated. Where had those thoughts come from? Why did she suddenly long to feel his touch? To ponder the weight of his hand on the small of her back? To contemplate the feel of such rough hands tenderly caressing the spot where her neck joined her shoulder? She slumped back against the front of the house, muttering to herself. "Teasin'... Oh, if he only knew."

Pushing off the wall, she walked to the edge of the porch and looked out over the open prairie before her. The cerulean sky reminded her of the Kid's eyes, forcing her gaze to her feet. She couldn't be attracted to Jimmy. What could she offer a man, especially a man like Jimmy? She had none of the exaggerated curves or elegance of most ladies. Her hands were rough from the work she did at the ranch. Though she dressed more like a woman, she had worked harder than most men for the last several years.

In the beginning she worked hard to compensate for her small stature, to convince others that she was the boy she claimed to be. After Kid left, she worked hard because there was no one else to do it. She had insisted that Jeremiah continue his schooling. And even though he had been a big help, she'd still had to take on a lot of work to keep everything going. She never wanted her brother and sister to have to live with the kind of fear and anxiety she had known after leaving the orphanage.

And now she could just picture it. '_Take me, Jimmy! I ain't much to look at compared to most, but I can work hard as any pack mule.'_ Lou smiled at the absurdity of it all. She was better off alone than waiting for someone to get tired of her or just staying out of pity. Besides, he deserved better than she could ever be.


	16. Chapter 16

As Rachel offered thanks to the Lord for their supper, Jimmy couldn't resist sneaking surreptitious glances at Lou. He could still feel a tremor of something powerful from when he had touched her earlier. He had meant only to tease a smile from her when he lifted her. But he had found himself wanting to draw her body close to his. Her face had been level with his, making her lips that much more attainable. She had been flustered by his actions, so he quickly set her down. _Maybe she was feeling the same things._

"Jimmy?" Lou was holding a basket full of biscuits toward him, smiling shyly. "Would you like some?"

"What? Oh, yeah, I'll take a biscuit." He reached for the basket, happy when his fingers brushed hers. He watched her cheeks flush as she pulled her hand away. What if she did feel the same way?

"You know, Lou, I don't think I ever had your cookin' before," said Buck as he took a spoonful of rabbit stew. "Who taught you how?"

"Uh, it wasn't Teaspoon, was it?" Jimmy interrupted. He and Buck exchanged a worried glance. This could be very bad.

"Boys, really!" Rachel's scolding tone was ruined when she continued, "But it wasn't Teaspoon, was it?" She pushed her food around nervously.

Theresa simply shook her head and began eating. Sighing happily, she spoke, "It don't matter who taught her. Lou makes the best rabbit stew."

Lou looked at each of the doubters, her eyes narrowing. Then she gave her sister a smile and started eating. Her eyes closed in pleasure as she tucked a bite of stew between her lips.

Jimmy watched Lou, mesmerized. Shaking himself out of his stupor, he ventured to taste a bite of the hot meal before him. He never thought of himself as a coward, but he felt it wise to start with a small bite. Ready to paste a smile on his face even if the meal tasted like poison, he found his lips curling into a genuine smile.

"This really is good." He took a bigger bite of stew and broke off a piece of biscuit. "Why ain't we ever tasted this before?"

Lou shook her head in mock disgust. "Do you have ta sound so surprised?"

"But Lou, if you can cook like this..." Jimmy began.

"Why did you ever let Jimmy and Teaspoon cook when Rachel or Emma was gone?" Buck finished. "This is really good. And don't you remember those awful biscuits Teaspoon burned?" He shuddered at the memory and ate another bite of the delicious stew as if to help himself forget.

"My ma taught me to cook when I was a girl. I had to help her with the youngins and such, especially when she took ill." She looked at her friends with one eyebrow raised, "And just what do ya think woulda happened if everyone knew I could cook? I'll tell ya what woulda happened. You'd all expect me to do all the cookin' anytime Emma or Rachel was gone."

Rachel laughed. "Still, Lou, from what I heard tell of Teaspoon and the boys' _abilities_ in the kitchen, I gotta wonder if holdin' out was worth it. You didn't get forced inta cookin' but you did have to suffer through eatin' whatever they concocted."

"I would say I'm offended by that remark, Rachel, but even I don't ever want to taste my own cookin' again," chuckled Jimmy. "And she's right, no secret was worth sufferin' through that."

Buck smiled as he added, "And I know for certain, no secret was worth you makin' _me _suffer through it."

Lou joined in their laughter, shaking her head at their silliness. "This might surprise ya, but I will admit that sometimes I could be a bit... stubborn." She leaned over and thumped Buck on the back when he started to choke on laughter and stew. "I guess I was afraid that any sign I gave that I was good at that sort of thing, might make you all think of me as bein' too girlie. I worked so hard to be one of the boys, that I didn't wanna take any chances that you'd change yer minds. I had enough trouble with the Kid."

Jimmy studied her face as she spoke. Her eyes danced with humor when she confessed to having a stubborn streak, but her expression turned almost sad when she mentioned the Kid and being "one of the guys." Now that he understood what had made her decide to become Lou, he could see just how hard it must have been for her. It had been dangerous to be Louise and difficult to be Lou.

"I still can't believe you boys couldn't tell she was a girl." Theresa's lips curved into an exact replica of Lou's teasing grin.

"Me too," smiled Rachel. "I knew from the the first. But I also know that people see what they expect to see. Your sister just didn't challenge them to see anything other than Lou."

"The 'puny, but spry' Pony Express rider," added Buck, "who could outride any of us."

"And who outworked all of us put together when given the chance." Jimmy winked at Theresa as he continued, "But once we knew Lou was actually Louise, I think we all were at least a little bit in love with her. And once Emma had that comin' out party for yer sister, we knew we were lucky to have the prettiest girl in town right here."

Jimmy had been so focused on Theresa's beaming smile, that he didn't notice Lou's distress until she quickly pushed her chair away from the table and excused herself. Before he knew quite what had happened, the door was closing behind her. He exchanged confused glances with Rachel and Buck before also excusing himself.

He found her just around the corner, her back leaned against the side of the house. Her eyes were closed, and an expression of what looked like pain tightened her features. His question died on his lips when she spoke in an anguished whisper.

"Why did you have to say that?" She kept her eyes closed, as if unable to face him. "I got feelin's, ya know. So why would you say those things?" She finally turned her head toward him and slowly opened her eyes.

Jimmy was certain his confusion was written all over his face. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever understand what exactly went on inside her head. "Look, I'm sorry if I upset you, but I don't know what you're talkin' about. What did I say?"

She huffed and swiped at a tear that was in danger of spilling down her cheek. "All that nonsense about me bein' the prettiest girl in town and you boys all bein' in love with me."

He knew he should be patient and kind, but something in him sparked and threatened to set him ablaze. "Nonsense?" His voice was low and gruff, his tone ominous. "So what? You're ugly now? Unkind? Hateful? Mean-spirited? Maybe you've taken to kickin' a body when they're down?" Despite his efforts to rein in his temper, he couldn't keep his voice from rising. He saw her flinch at his words, but he continued, "You know, you're right. You are all those things..."


	17. Chapter 17

Lou's head fell back against the house as if he had physically struck her, and tears ran freely down her face. Jimmy softened his voice and stepped closer, reaching out to take her hands in his. "You are all those things, but only to my best friend Lou. And I ain't gonna have it anymore."

Her eyes met his, the desperate thumping of her heart threatening to drown out his words. "Wha-"

"You've always had the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known, and you would fight to the death to protect the ones you love. So why can't you feel that same way about my best friend Lou? She's the prettiest girl I've ever known. And I know for a fact, that all my brothers were at least a little bit in love with her at one time or another."

Lou opened her mouth to protest, but Jimmy gave her no opportunity. "And if you plan to interrupt me just to argue, you should think again." His words were harsh, but his tone was gentle now. "You seem to think that we're all fooled into lovin' ya. That at any minute we'll come to our senses and turn on ya." It was as if he could read her mind, see all her doubts. Her head was swimming.

"Why, Lou?" Jimmy pulled her closer, his strong hands gripping her upper arms. "Why would we think ya were anything but the beautiful, sweet woman ya are? You were always the one who encouraged us to follow our hearts. When we thought we weren't good enough, you wouldn't let us even say such a thing. So why do you get to do it?"

Wrenching herself from his grasp she stepped away. He overwhelmed her senses, making her thoughts as murky and slippery as mud. The warmth from his touch lingered on her arms and threatened to spread. She needed to put distance between them. Turning away, she strode toward the barn. "You just don't understand, Jimmy."

He followed her, unwilling to let her have the last word. "Then make me understand."

Her temper flared to life at his persistence. "Dammit, Jimmy! We ain't kids no more. Not everything can be talked out like it could back then. 'Sides, that was different. You and the others were different."

He grabbed her arm and spun her to face him. "How were we different? What are you talkin' about?"

The confusion in his eyes tore at her. She resented having to spell it out for him so specifically. The truth was the truth, but it still hurt. "You and the others deserved good things."

She saw the anger in him roar to life as he realized her meaning. "And you don't?"

She shook her arm free and met his eyes with an honest glance. "I never did. Elseways I woulda got somethin' good by now." With that she hustled to the barn, dismissing Jimmy.

Were his words true? Did the boys really think those thing about her? It was hard to believe that they could all be so wrong, so could it be...

The barn door creaked open, and Jimmy entered. "I ain't gonna let ya run away again, Lou."

"You ain't gonna let me?" She seethed at his choice of words.

"You heard me. I don't care right now if I have to tie ya down or horse whip ya, you're gonna listen to what I have to say." He loomed over her, trying to intimidate her into accepting his terms.

"Look here, Jimmy, I don't need you to be my ma anymore than I needed the Kid to." She poked his chest with her finger. The fact that it felt as if she were poking a stone registered somewhere deep in her mind. "So just step outta-"

Before she realized his intentions, Jimmy's lips were on hers. He kissed her with an intensity that both excited and frightened her. This was no quick peck from friend or brother. This kiss threatened to rob her of her powers of thought and the ability to stand. The thought of resistance died before it could even register in her mind. She was instead aware of a great warmth, coiling in her belly. Her hands, originally intent on pushing him away, were instead sliding up to wrap around his neck. Just as her body started to press against his, he broke the kiss and pulled back.

"Dammit, Lou, I'm sorry... I shouldn'ta done that. I just..." She had never seen him so flustered.

Of course he regretted kissing her. She'd tried telling him just a few moments ago. So why did it hurt so much to hear the very words she'd known were coming?

"When your eyes started flashin' with fire, I just..." He was almost blushing. "I couldn't resist. I always wanted to be the one with the right to do that. But it weren't my right back then, just like it ain't my right now."

The defensive words that had flooded her head moments earlier now fled. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Surely he wasn't telling her that he loved her, that he had always loved her.

"But, but you kissed me before and never wanted to talk about it. You thought that was a mistake." Her heart felt as if it were perched on the edge of a cliff, desperately waiting to hear his response. "You didn't want me."

He sighed a great sigh and eyed her warily. "That whole trip has always been one of my biggest regrets. I was lookin' at Elias Mills and seein' ma own future. I would be a danger to anyone fool enough to love me. Never able to set down roots..." He gave her a half-smile and continued, "Then an angel spoke to me. Told me it didn't matter what the world thought of me. That what mattered was what I thought. And I s'pose that might be true. But what mattered most to me then was that this angel thought I was a better man. If she believed it, it must be true somehow."

"It is true, Jimmy. But I ain't no angel. Never have been." It hurt even more to confess her failings to him now, now that he kissed her and reawakened her desire to be loved. "I tole you the other day. I tole you what happened."

"Lou," he pulled her over to a hay bale and gently pushed her down until she was sitting. He crouched before her, taking her small hand in his. "I'm so sorry for everything that happened. But ya gotta know that none of that was yer fault. You done nothin' but try to make yer way in this world. And ya gave up so much just to take care of yer family." He studied their joined hands. In size they were so different, but both were callused and worn from years of hard work. "You have always been an angel to me, pushin' me to open my heart and think about love. And I did. Sure there were other women back then, but you were always taken. I was so sure that the Kid was gonna be better fer ya. There wasn't anyone gunnin' fer 'im, and he was always tryin' to keep ya safe."

Lou laughed mirthlessly, "Funny how life don't follow yer plans, huh? I always worried that he would smother me too much. I never thought he'd leave me." She was surprised by the sob that broke her voice. "He promised not to. Jimmy, he promised. Remember how you and the others would butt heads with him sometimes? He was always so sure of what was right and wrong. Everyone said he was a good man. Remember?" Her words came in a rush now, finally revealing the deepest scars on her soul.

"So what does it mean when such a man tells ya that you ain't enough to keep 'im? When he says that he love ya, but he loves a place that holds nothing but painful memories more? And what does it mean when the man who wanted to wrap you in cotton one day, leaves ya alone the next? I know I always tried to show everyone that I could do anything I set my mind to, but it turns out I can't. 'Cause the one thing I always wanted, was to love and be loved. And I couldn't even do that." Lou was surprised by the tear that rolled down Jimmy's cheek. She soon found herself held in his warm embrace, her head on his shoulder.

"Lou, that ain't so. Ya gotta know there's more to you than the Kid. You got a whole long life ahead of ya." His words came in an hushed, earnest tone. "I loved the Kid like a brother, but he was a fool. He was a fool for leavin' ya, and he was a fool for ever makin' you feel less than worthy. We all love you... I, I love you." Lou tried to pull away so she could see his face, but he held her fast as if unwilling to submit to her scrutiny. "I know that ain't much and not what you deserve, but I love you, Lou McCloud. I always have."


	18. Chapter 18

Jimmy wasn't sure just how he had expected Lou to react to his declaration. He hadn't given it too much thought, as he never expected to admit his feelings to her. He knew he wasn't good enough for any decent woman, but for Lou he would be disastrous. What would happen when someone came gunning for him? Someday he wouldn't be the fastest draw, the best shot, the lucky one. He would leave her.

But as she had finally bared her soul to him, all his arguments faded away. There sat the most precious woman he'd ever known, broken and despairing. She actually though no one loved her, that no one would ever love her. He couldn't keep silent then. No matter what her reaction might be, she had to know that she was loved and cherished.

And so he had finally pulled her close, held her tight, and confessed what he had hidden in his heart for so long. "I know that ain't much and not what you deserve, but I love you, Lou McCloud. I always have."

As she tried to pull away, he tightened his embrace. Finally he released her, knowing he would have to face her eventually and hoping he might again see a light in her eyes. He stood and took a step back.

"Jimmy, I..." She studied his face intently. "Oh my word, ya... ya really mean it don't ya? Ya love me." He watched a myriad of emotions play over her expressive visage. She was on her feet now, her face tilted up toward his. He clearly saw wonder and joy, then some other emotion darkened her brown eyes. Before he could decipher her expression, she had closed the remaining distance and was kissing him.

Jimmy had been kissed by many women over the years. He'd known kisses of excitement and passion, as well as disinterest and deception. But when Lou's soft lips pressed against his, he felt something new. There was a reverence in this kiss that stunned him. He pulled her into his embrace, registering somewhere in his brain that he was afraid. Afraid that this was yet another dream, like those that had plagued him over the years. Dreams that he had tried to banish by any means possible. But there was no drink, no vice, no other woman who could rob him of this very moment.

Lou broke the kiss, dragging in a ragged breath. "Oh, Jimmy," her voice was barely more than whisper on his cheek. He dropped kisses along her brow, hesitating when she began to speak again, "Jimmy..." She pulled her head back to look him in the eye, "I love you too. I always have."

He leaned down and wrapped his arms around her slim waist. He then stood, lifting her up so they were face to face, and kissed her gently. Part of him still feared doing something that would cause either of them to wake up and end this perfect dream. Lou's hands slid up his arms, then moved to either side of his face. Leaning her forehead against his, she sighed and a giggle slipped out. He felt her slight frame shaking with mirth.

He looked at her with bemusement. "What's so funny?"

"This... us... me..." Her words were punctuated by the soft caress of her lips on his face. He could feel the smile in her kisses, and he knew it had been right to confess his feelings. "I feel... almost... lit up inside. I just, I just wanna laugh... Oh, Jimmy, it feels so good to laugh. And it feels so good to feel... _this_... with you."

He was staggered by her words. She made him feel like the most powerful man in the world. When he rolled out of his lonely bed this morning, he had no reason to believe that this day would be any different than the one before. But knowing that he had made her happy gave him a sense of strength and accomplishment that he had never yet experienced. He had always expected love to make him feel weak and vulnerable. How could exposing his soul be anything but bad?

But the feel of her lips on his skin, the glimpse of that sparkle in her eye, the breathless tone of her voice... These made him feel anything but weak. He had wrought this change in her. It was magnificently humbling. If he could make her feel this good, he would also have the power to make her feel terrible. He pressed his lips to hers again, this time with a silent promise to protect her heart.

He set her back on her feet, but still held her close. With her head resting on his chest, she sighed happily. They stood this way for several minutes, each lost in thought until Lou broke the silence again. "Do ya think we should go back inside? I oughtta apologize for makin' such a scene."

"I think it can wait. They'll just be happy that you're feeling better." Jimmy smiled, wondering if they would be surprised by this turn of events.

He could feel her cheek move as it pulled her lips into a grin. "You think they'll be happy for us? I sure hope they are."

He drew her back toward the hay bales, sat, and pulled her onto his lap. She leaned against his chest, her arm draped comfortably across his shoulders. Her free hand was soon held in his. Their intertwined fingers were a fascination for them both. After several moments, Jimmy spoke, "I think they'll be real happy. All any of us ever wanted was for you to be happy, and we thought..." His voice drifted off.

"You thought the Kid would make me happy," she finished his thought. With a sigh, she continued, "I know it don't sound quite right, but I did love both you and the Kid. I loved all the boys for different reasons. Ike was such a sweet, gentle soul. Noah was so smart and proud. I love Cody for the way he can lighten a mood, but also for his sense of loyalty. And Buck, he's just so... true. He just seems to know things. I would never want to ignore his intuitions." Lou fell silent for a minute, thinking about her brothers. "And from the beginning the Kid was there. He kept my secret and made me feel like I could still be Louise. He was my first love. But you know that it weren't always smooth sailin' with us. We had so many rough patches, that I thought we might never see eye to eye long enough to exchange two words."

Jimmy realized he was holding his breath, nervous about what she might reveal about Kid's place in her heart. He forced himself to breathe normally and gave her hand an encouraging squeeze.

"See I always feared that I was gonna have to give up bein' who I was. That becoming Louise for the Kid would mean that I couldn't be Lou for maself. I don't regret lovin' 'im, but I wish I had listened harder to ma heart. I bought my weddin' dress in another town just so's I could hold onto bein' Lou a little bit longer." She pulled her head away to look Jimmy in the eye. "And then there was James Butler Hickok. You were always such a good friend to me. I always tole maself that you were different, that ya made me feel different, 'cause we were so close. And that's why I meddled in yer affairs more than anyone else's."

"But then, when Kid was pushin' so hard, you were always there for me. I started to realize that maybe you'd always been different to me fer other reasons. And after our stay in Willow Springs and dealing with Hopkins, I knew I didn't think of ya like a brother no more." She smiled shyly and continued, "And after escortin' Elias Mills... Well, I was so damn confused I didn't know if I was comin' or goin'. Ya wouldn't talk about it and swore it wouldn't happen again. I thought that was a pretty clear sign that ya didn't really feel anything like I did."

Jimmy sighed and shook his head. "It was pretty damn confusin' for me too. First you were just this boy ready to take on the world with us, then you were Louise. And then you were comin' down Emma's stairs in that dress, threatenin' to punch the first one of us who laughed. I still remember feelin' like the whole world sorta shifted that day. And when you took that job as a saloon girl, well... I don't think I coulda ever been ready to see you like that. Whether it was when you were all gussied up or when you finally got away after Lambert jumped ya, I knew I was in trouble." His jaw clenched at the memory of her battered face. "But you were with Kid. Then after ya went your separate ways, I started hopin' for more. But between Hopkins and Mills, I realized it would be too dangerous to love anyone like that."

Lou pulled her head away and opened her mouth, preparing to argue with his assessment, so he plunged onward. "I thought I was so smart, protectin' ya from my life and the dangers of associatin' with 'Wild Bill'. But ya can't imagine how hard it was to give ya away at yer weddin', when all I wanted was to keep ya fer maself." He shook his head at the memory. "So I distracted maself with Rosemary and her cause. And it cost Noah his life. And ever since, I've been tryin' to fill up yer place in ma heart with anything I could. But I finally come to realize that tryin' to live without ya is more dangerous than anything that could happen when we're together. And I see that my efforts at protectin' ya failed too. Lou, I ain't lived a day since you rode outta town with the Kid."

"Oh, Jimmy," Lou gave him a sad smile. "There was a time when I woulda been furious with ya for tryin' to protect me. But now I know better than anyone that desire to keep yer loved ones safe. I never expected to live the life I did in Virginia. And it breaks ma heart to know that ya ain't been happy either. But I would rather face a thousand Hopkins or Lamberts by yer side, than to have a lifetime of nothin' special all alone. Just love me and let me love you, and we'll find our way."


	19. Chapter 19

A few minutes later Jimmy and Lou left the barn. Between heated kisses and gentle caresses they had agreed to not mention their new agreement to anyone else. Both had concerns about sharing their news, though not out of any fear that it wouldn't last. Jimmy had always liked to keep private matters to himself, but he also still had a decent amount of fear that a relationship with him would put her in danger. Lou feared the family might disapprove of them. Her courtship with the Kid often had been tumultuous, and the others had suffered the tension, fights, and angst along with them. Maybe protecting their secret for awhile would help the others accept it later.

They walked back to the house in contented silence, each thinking about all that had happened in the confines of the barn. As they returned to the table, Lou took in the concerned faces of Theresa, Buck, and Rachel. She couldn't help smiling up to Jimmy as he pulled out her chair for her. She then returned her attention to the others.

"I'm alright," she assured them. "I'm sorry for raisin' such a ruckus. I, I thought Jimmy was teasin' me. But we had a... nice long... um, talk, and I see that I might've overreacted."

* * *

Rachel had been quite concerned when Lou fled the kitchen. It broke her heart to know all that her friend had suffered over the years and to see how deeply the young woman doubted her own worth. She knew more than most how dangerous such self-loathing could be. She had fallen into the bottle when her own world fell apart, and she worried that Lou could be on an even more dangerous path.

When Jimmy and Lou returned some time later, she had initially been worried. She was watching Lou's face carefully, afraid she might discover her friend was not being completely genuine in her assurances. After observing the pair, she was more convinced than ever that Lou was hiding something. But as she felt the corners of her mouth lift, Rachel realized Lou was indeed hiding something, but it wasn't the dark secret she feared.

She shifted her gaze from her friend's pinkened face and took in her disheveled hair. The air had been still for several days, so Rachel knew Lou's hair had not been windswept. There was a very curious piece of hay stuck the the cuff of the younger woman's shirt. Her lips were a deep pink... perhaps even kiss-swollen.

A quick glance at Jimmy revealed similar features. His eyes held a twinkle Rachel hadn't seen in years. She felt a warmth start building in her heart. How long had she hoped for him to gain the love of a good woman? And despite their attempts to pretend otherwise, Rachel was certain that Jimmy was the proud recipient of Lou's heart. And though her friend might disagree, Rachel knew that Lou was not only a good woman, she was one of the very best.

Rachel stood and went to retrieve the pie and some clean plates, her mind racing. She had often suspected that there was at least the potential for more than just friendship between Jimmy and Lou back when they had been riding for the Express. She certainly hadn't been surprised when Lou had ended up with the Kid, but she wouldn't have been surprised if the young woman had ended up with Jimmy either.

"What kind of pie did you make, Rachel?" Buck offered a knowing smile as she returned to the table. It seemed he had come to a similar conclusion.

"I didn't make this pie; Lou did." She smiled warmly at the young woman she considered a sister. "And if dinner is any indication, this pie will be fantastic!"

Theresa wrinkled her nose as she examined the dessert. "What kind is it, Lou?"

Lou glanced at the table in front of Jimmy. Rachel almost laughed at her friend's desperate attempt to both look at and not look at Jimmy. Lou's voice wavered just a bit as she answered, "Sugar cream."

"Gosh, Lou, sugar cream pie's my favorite!" announced Jimmy. Rachel coughed to hide the giggle that bubbled past her lips. _Why do I suspect that Lou knew that already?_

"Really?" gasped Lou, "I, I didn't know that!". Rachel saw Buck shake his head with amusement. And they had thought Cody was an over-actor! The feigned surprise on Lou's face made it hard for Rachel to bite her tongue. Clearly they didn't want everyone to know about whatever romantic entanglements they had become involved in. But they sure weren't making it very easy to stay in the dark.

* * *

Theresa had been worried sick about her sister when she stormed out of the house. Now that Lou and Jimmy were back and Rachel was serving dessert however, she began to study her older sibling. Lou was acting positively silly. She was blushing and stammering like young girl. Theresa turned her gaze to Jimmy. Her mouth dropped open when she realized that he was also blushing. She didn't even think lawmen and gunfighters _could_ blush, and here it was happening with...

"Oh my word! You two've been kissin'!" Theresa hadn't meant to say anything, but the words and accompanying surprise couldn't be contained.

"What?" demanded Lou, a little too loudly. "Nuh-uh."

Everyone else fell silent, their attention bouncing back and forth between the sisters.

"You did!" Theresa's voice had taken on a breathless tone. "You kissed Jimmy!"

"No! No, I did not." Lou's face grew more and more red. "I, I just went out to the barn 'cause I was upset. And, and then I saw that Lightning was favoring her front leg. Jimmy, well Jimmy... um, he helped me."

Theresa snorted, noticing that Buck and Rachel were wearing similar expressions of disbelief. "Ha! I just bet he did."

"Theresa McCloud!" Lou looked as if she might burst into flames at any minute.

"It's true," Jimmy's voice cut in. "Um, I went to the barn and found Lou had thrown a shoe." When everyone's heads swiveled around to stare at him, he realized his mistake. "I meant Lou's horse had thrown a shoe. Lou's shoes were on her feet the entire time." The six eyes staring at him grew larger, and he began babbling nervously. "Of course Lou didn't lose a shoe. I mean, she was fully dressed at all times. I mean, of course she was. Why wouldn't she be? We were just... talkin' and taking care of the stone Lightning picked up. Out in the barn. In clothes. And shoes."

"So Lightning threw a shoe _and_ picked up a stone?" Buck sounded incredulous.

Jimmy closed his eyes and sighed wearily. He opened his mouth to explain, when Theresa interrupted. "Well, whatever was happening out there it sure has made you guys awful silly. I ain't seen so many smiles in I don't know how long."

Before Lou could offer more protestations, Rachel grasped her friend's hand on the table top and squeezed lightly. "If you say yer horse threw a shoe and picked up a stone, we'll curse the bad luck." She smiled warmly at the beleaguered pair. "And whatever the source, we'll be thankful for the silly and the smiles. Theresa's right, it's been too long since we've seen either of you silly and smilin'. And I think we should celebrate with an extra large slice of pie for everyone."

* * *

_**Thanks so much to Myrtle and Ardith for their help on this chapter. Ardith thought Lou and Jimmy would want to keep things a secret, and Myrtle was sure it would be the worst kept secret ever... And they were both right! :)**_


	20. Chapter 20

Much to the amusement of their friends and family, Lou and Jimmy stuck to their story about just what happened in the barn. While Jimmy was secretly willing to go ahead and confess to those closest to them just how they felt about each other, Lou was too stubborn to give in. And so the couple continued to keep their secret by being as circumspect as possible, which, as it turns out was not very circumspect at all.

On Thursday Buck could have sworn he saw them kissing at the end of the fence row as he rode in that morning, but Lou swore to him that she had something in her eye. And Jimmy was quick to explain that he was merely taking a closer look. Buck was not convinced.

Friday afternoon Lou went into town for supplies from Tompkin's store that Rachel assured her could wait until the next week. As she later explained to the schoolteacher, it was merely by chance that she ran into Jimmy there. Rachel was skeptical.

Teaspoon came upon the two eating a cozy dinner at a restaurant in town. Jimmy told Teaspoon later that what he saw wasn't really the pair holding hands on the table top. Lou's fingers were just chilled, so he was warming them for her. Teaspoon merely raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

Saturday morning Theresa walked into the barn and found Jimmy standing with his arm around Lou. Her older sister calmly described how Jimmy had managed to turn his ankle tripping over a pitchfork. The deputy suddenly complained of pain and weakness in his ankle. Theresa solicitously inquired which ankle had been injured.

"My Left."

"His right."

Theresa simply laughed in their faces and left them alone.

By Sunday even Lou was ready to admit defeat. The two had met by the creek Saturday night after Buck had gone home and Rachel and Theresa were asleep. The full moon provided a romantic glow to the clandestine meeting, and both parties had lingered longer than they planned. They both slipped into their beds in the wee hours.

When they arrived at church later that morning, they were forced to sit one row from the back and directly in front of Tompkins and the Widow Simmons. Lou elbowed Jimmy several times to keep him from dozing off, but when the preacher started reciting a long list of begats, she could no longer fight her own drowsiness. The pair were both soon sleeping, propped cozily against each other. Tompkins was kind enough to lean close to their ears and cough loudly. Lou wasn't certain, but as she tried to calm her suddenly racing heart, she could have sworn she heard Tompkins laughing quietly.

When the family gathered at Rachel's house for dinner that afternoon, Lou could feel three pairs of eyes watching her and Jimmy's every move. She snuck a glance at him, wondering if he noticed their scrutiny as well. When their eyes met, she saw a twinkle of humor and the warm glow of love. Her heart swelled in response. She knew he would go along with her ridiculous insistence of secrecy, but the reasons that had seemed so important a few days earlier no longer mattered. She smiled broadly and grasped his hand.

Turning to their family, she spoke, "I know this'll come as a shock, but Jimmy and I wanted ya to know that we decided to start seein' each other."

"Yer jokin'!" gasped Buck.

Rachel looked at them with wide eyes. "I had no idea!"

"This is brand new information!" proclaimed Theresa.

Teaspoon leaned back in his chair and hooked his thumbs on his faded suspenders. "Lordy, lord... I am well and truly stunned by this completely unexpected happening."

"Ha, ha, ha. Yer all so funny I can hardly stand it." Jimmy tried to look offended, but completely ruined the effort by laughing.

Lou struggled to keep a straight face, but quickly lost that battle as everyone around her gave in to the absurdity of the conversation. She was soon laughing harder than anyone else.

They all passed the rest of the afternoon and evening in high spirits. Jokes were made, humorous memories were shared, and they all had a pleasantly tired feeling after laughing so much together.

Sitting on the front porch with those people he considered family, Teaspoon felt more content than he had in years. He laughed as Buck retold the story of when Cody tampered with his medicine pouch. The absurd "cleansing" ceremony Cody had been convinced to perform had become a legendary tale in their unconventional little family.

Teaspoon was pleased with how far his Kiowa son had come. After his early struggles to fit in, he was now a successful business owner and trusted member of the community. Rachel had also managed to win the hearts of the townsfolk over the year. Those who had disapproved of her former life could no longer deny her gift for teaching children and caring for her neighbors. Teaspoon knew they were both too kind to gloat, but that didn't mean he couldn't.

Theresa was giggling, drawing Teaspoon's glance next. He'd been so happy to see her come out of her shell. Now that she was feeling settled and secure, it turned out that she had quite a bit of her big sister's spunk. He admired her fighting spirit. She had decided to do whatever she could to strengthen her heart and improve her health, and she was already looking better. Her thin, pale face had filled out and gained a healthy glow. What touched Teaspoon most about this young lady, however, was her innocence. By the time he came into the lives of everyone else he considered family, such innocence was long gone. He would do whatever he could to help her hold on to that sunny outlook.

Finally Teaspoon turned his perusal to the young couple on the porch swing. Jimmy's rich chuckle finally seemed to come from a deep and genuine place within him. He had long worried over his deputy's fatalistic attitudes. The young man had seemed restless before Lou came back. Teaspoon considered Jimmy both a son and a protege. Back when the Express was still running, Kid had suspected there something more than friendship between Jimmy and Lou. Though Teaspoon knew they had always been close, he now found himself wondering if the Kid hadn't been right all along. These two had a hint of destiny to them.

And then there was Lou. While he always said Amanda was like a daughter to him, Lou really was his girl. He still couldn't believe she had managed to fool him into thinking she was a boy for so long. But now with her hair grown to the middle of her back, there was no one who could possibly make that mistake again. His heart had broken when he found out what her life had been like after her wedding. He had carried a heavy load of worry all those years she had been gone, and now he knew his fears had been justified. But he could finally see a sparkle in those big, brown eyes of hers. She was starting to lose that jumpiness that made her always seem ready to run.

Jimmy leaned over and whispered something in her ear that made her giggle. Teaspoon knew that if he lived to be a hundred years old, he would never get tired of hearing Lou's joy. She had thrown back her head, laughing gaily and smacking Jimmy's shoulder. They were both passionate people, intense in their emotions and quick to react. And while Teaspoon knew they loved each other, he could only hope and pray that their future was filled with the joy and peace they both deserved. They'd all been through so much hardship and grief, this had to be the start of better things.

* * *

_**My most sincere thanks go to Hortense and Ardith for straightening out Teaspoon's thoughts. He kept me up quite late sharing his memories. And if you think it's hard to understand Teaspoon when you're fully rested, you should give it a go in the wee, small hours of the morning. Thank you, ladies, for all your help and encouragement :)**_


	21. Chapter 21

Lou McCloud was a woman in love. And in many ways, it seemed to her that it was like the very first time. She would never deny that she had loved Kid and loved him deeply. But she had been a girl back then. A girl who lived as a boy. Their romance had been exciting and new, but had to remain a secret. Lou had no doubt that the secrecy had added a certain charm to their relationship. Each time they stole a kiss there was a thrill of fear that they might get caught. But their love was also turbulent, always pulling and pushing one or the other.

What she had with Jimmy felt different. She was a woman now, in more ways than one. Glancing in the mirror hanging in Rachel's hallway, she realized she finally looked the part. Her auburn hair fell in soft waves to the middle of her back now, plenty long enough for her to put up like the fine lady Kid had always wanted her to be. It was also long enough to be plaited into a tidy braid, perfect for tossing over her shoulder when she was working the ranch. But Jimmy preferred her hair down and free.

She thought back to their last dinner in town. She had spent an hour trying to get her hair to look like one of the styles in Rachel's newest Godey's Lady's Book. Theresa and Rachel both had helped, tucking hair pins here and there until Lou's head felt like a pincushion. When an errant hair pin had fallen from her elegant coiffure onto her plate, she had been mortified. She laughed it off as best she could, and Jimmy had simply given her a crooked grin and an amused shake of his head. And then he had said one of the sweetest things she'd ever heard.

"_That hair pin had the right idea. Yer hair's too pretty to bind it all up like that." He reached up and plucked another loose pin from her hair and handed it to her._

"_Ya don't like it?" She hated the plaintive tone her voice had taken on. When did she become the kind of woman who worried about fancy hairstyles?_

"_Oh, it's right nice, but it ain't quite you." His voice was soft, gentle. His words should have ruffled her, but instead she felt as if he had caressed her ever so tenderly._

"_It ain't?" Her words were a breathless whisper. _

"_You ain't the kind to be so stiff and formal. The Lou McCloud I know and love is freedom and a fast horse, a little bit wild and little bit soft." Jimmy's eyes twinkled as he plucked another pin from her hair._

_As they strolled toward the livery, he made a game of plucking out her hair pins. By the time they got to their horses, her hair was tumbling down her shoulders and her cheeks hurt from laughing at his antics. _

Yes, this love felt different. Maybe it was because she was older. Maybe it was because she and Jimmy had been friends for so many years. He had always been her staunchest supporter, never letting the fact that she was a girl get in the way. He respected her abilities and her ideas. And Lou could see a change in him too. He was trying hard to accept the possibility of happiness. She knew it was hard for him to believe that he wouldn't meet a violent end, but there was an easiness to his demeanor these days that told her he was relenting.

She was the one who worried now. Rock Creek had a reputation for law and order thanks to Teaspoon and Jimmy's efforts, but being a lawman always held a certain level of danger. Lou was understanding more and more just how hard it must have been for Kid to watch her ride off into danger. She had worried over Kid too, but back then she was often by his side. Now that she was removed from the dangers, the lack of control could be maddening.

Maybe it was this realization that brought her to the clearing where she had once told Kid she wasn't going anywhere, that she would be there for him after he lost his childhood friends. She sat on the same fallen tree that he had once leaned against. It was in this spot that she and Kid had really started to find their ways back to each other, and she felt closer to him here than anyplace else in Rock Creek.

"Hi, Kid," she started shyly. "I know it's been awhile since I talked to ya, and I'm sorry 'bout that. It's just... I just... I guess I just had some things I needed to figur' out fer maself." She looked around, confirming yet again that she was all alone. "And I wanted to apologize. I think I been blamin' ya fer events that weren't really yer fault."

Lou took a deep breath to calm herself and laughed nervously. "It's funny, ain't it? I always had such a hard time sayin' sorry to ya and admittin' blame. But here I am, and you... Well I reckon if ya could hear me in Virginia, you can hear me in Rock Creek." At these words a gentle breeze kissed her face, almost as if Kid were giving her a sign. Maybe he really was listening. "Oh Kid, what happened to us? We had so much love back then. But maybe, maybe it wasn't the right kind of love. We had the thrillin' kind of love, a passion that made it hard to keep our hands off each other. But we never had a chance just to love one another in a normal life." She sighed. It had all made so much more sense in her head.

"I guess what I'm gettin' at is that maybe we shoulda waited to get married. It's not that I regret marryin' ya... I just don't know if maybe things woulda been better if..." Lou drifted into a thoughtful silence. "I don't know, Kid. I guess there was just so much goin' on, that we never got to be who we were meant to be. I never really told ya 'bout all the doubts I had. I owed it to ya to be honest about mah fears. I was afraid I would lose maself, and I did. And I been blamin' you fer that. But if I weren't honest with ya, how could ya really understand?"

She chuckled as she continued, "I know what yer thinkin', and no, I ain't been horsekicked or drinkin'. And don't get me wrong, you were so pigheaded about a lot of things that I coulda screamed. Well, I probably did at least a few times. And we sure could go round and round, couldn't we?" Her smile faded as she remembered their parting words.

"But I really am sorry that I didn't tell ya everything before we got married. I think there were a lot of conversations we shoulda had back then. And since we're bein' honest here, I'll admit that I don't regret lovin' ya or marryin' ya. But I sure regret what came after 'I do.' Mostly 'cause ya left." She wiped an errant tear from her cheek and continued, "I think I coulda muddled through anything with ya by mah side. But mah greatest fear was bein' alone... and ya left me." She wiped away another tear and took a deep breath.

"But now I want to talk to ya about somethin' else, er _someone_ else. Ya probably know I'm talkin' about Jimmy. You know we was always close. But now we're closer. I, well, I love 'im. And he loves me. And he makes me happy, and Kid, it's been a long time since I felt that way. I know our vows were 'til death do us part, and so it's okay fer me to move on." A hint of a smile pulled at her lips. "Though I guess if ya can see me here, you can see me everywhere else. So ya already know about it... But I guess I just felt I should tell ya anyway."

She sat for several minutes, telling Kid all about Jimmy. Finally she rose from the fallen tree and walked to her horse. After gaining her mount, she looked back to where she had just been sitting. "Kid, I need to leave the past in the past. I don't want ya to think I'll forget ya. I'll always remember yer smile and yer eyes and the sweet way ya courted me. You'll always be a part of me. But I gotta look to the future now. And Jimmy's mah future. He makes me happy, and I think maybe I can make him happy too... But no matter what, I gotta try." She drew a ragged breath. "Goodbye, Kid."


	22. Chapter 22

"Jimmy. Jimmy! Jiiiimmmmy!" Teaspoon finally resorted to grabbing his deputy's shoulder and shaking it to gain the younger man's attention.

"Huh? Oh... sorry, Teaspoon," stammered Jimmy. He shook his head, clearing away the remnants of his daydream. "Did ya need somethin'?"

Teaspoon raised an eyebrow and sent him a knowing look. "I didn't think ya were headed out to Rachel's until later, but it kinda looks like maybe yer already there... You were miles away from here, leastways."

Jimmy grinned sheepishly. "Sorry 'bout that. Lou's making dinner tonight."

Teaspoon smiled, he'd been as surprised as everyone else at how well she could cook. He would never admit it in front of Rachel, but he looked forward to Lou's meals most of all. "So, uh, what's on the menu fer today?"

"Roast pork with apples," sighed Jimmy.

Teaspoon's mouth started to water at the mere thought. "Lordy. I sure am glad I already made plans to eat out there." At his deputy's questioning look he continued, "It'll save me the trip of ridin' out now to invite maself."

They both chuckled at the image of the marshal begging for dinner from Lou.

"C'mon, Teaspoon. You and I both know she'd never deny ya anything." Jimmy grinned.

Teaspoon smiled, then grew serious. "I don't think I'm the only person she wouldn't deny." Jimmy met his gaze. "Son, I know it's none of my business, but it sure seems like things are gettin' pretty serious between you two."

Jimmy stood and began pacing. "You could say that." He came to a stop, standing arms akimbo before his mentor. "You prob'ly won't be too surprised to know that I been sweet on Lou since the Express."

Teaspoon shook his head. "Weeell, I wouldn't say 'twas obvious from the start, seein' as how I didn't even know Lou was Louise fer so long... But I ain't gonna say I didn't suspect as much, either." He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "I seem to recall you and Kid comin' to blows more than once over her though."

Jimmy dropped his head and sighed wearily. "It wasn't really like that, Teaspoon. See, I never tried to take her away from the Kid. If anything, I pushed her towards 'im. But I always... I always believed in 'er."

He resumed pacing, removing his hat and gesturing with it in his hand. "At first we all thought Lou was just Lou. 'Puny, but spry'. Those were your words. But that young 'man' was tough as any of us. Had our backs in any fight. How can you not respect that? And then after I knew Lou was Louise, I was even more impressed than I had been. I mean, have ya ever known a gal like 'er?" He stopped to look at his mentor, but answered for him. "Of course ya ain't, 'cause there's no one. No one like Lou. And when Emma showed her off as girl... Hell, we all fell in love that day. But there weren't ever any question, it was always her and Kid."

Teaspoon watched as his deputy began his familiar path back and forth, even as he listened to the younger man's words. "Then she and the Kid went their own ways. And I thought about how easy it would be to love 'er like she deserved, but then I knew I'd be a danger to 'er. And I gave 'er away. I gave 'er to Kid to get married."

Teaspoon nodded, a knowing look in his eyes. "But you wanted to keep 'er fer yerself."

Jimmy shook his head. "No. That's just the thing. I really did want 'er to marry 'im." He chuckled humorlessly. "I knew he could give 'er things that I couldn't. He could keep her safe, and they'd live a long life together, and he'd give her babies. So I gave her away with no real regrets, 'cause she'd be happy and loved."

Teaspoon sighed, a drained, weary sound. "But the Kid didn't keep up his end of the bargain, did he?"

"It's hard sometimes, not to think ill of the dead." He threw his hat on the desk with disgust. "But dammit! I coulda done a better job than that! And if she'll let me, I'd like to prove it to 'er." His voice came low now, roiling with intensity. "After Marcus wrote that damn book, everyone came lookin' for 'Wild Bill'. Men wanted to chase the legend and women wanted to bed 'im. And some, like Rosemary, wanted my reputation to power their 'cause'. And I always hated it, but I accepted it."

Teaspoon watched as the tension relaxed in Jimmy's face and heard his voice soften as he continued, "But Lou... Well, Lou loves me in spite of 'Wild Bill'. She makes me wanna do whatever it takes to stay by 'er side. And the best part is she'd never ask me to change a thing."

"I thought you never wanted anyone to get too close, on account of 'em maybe gettin' hurt in the crossfire." Teaspoon schooled his features to show a hesitation he didn't feel. He had long hoped the young lawman would find a good woman to settle down with. Now that it looked like his Louise was that woman, well he couldn't be more pleased.

"Part of me still feels that way, Teaspoon. I ain't gonna lie." Jimmy retrieved his hat and, standing straight and tall, returned it to his head. "But I reckon we both got a better chance of bein' happy together than we ever would apart. She needs me, but it's really me, not a legend or a reputation." He walked to the doorway, scanning the busy street before returning his gaze to the marshal. "And I need 'er too. Desperately." With that he slipped outside to patrol the town.

* * *

Jimmy found himself walking toward Tompkins' store and had to smile. Even though he would be seeing Lou later, part of him hoped to perhaps run into her in town. Just as he acknowledged this desire, she materialized in the doorway of the general store. In one hand she held a small basket, while the other held a slip of paper she scrutinized with a distracted frown. She walked blindly ahead studying the paper, allowing him to sneak up on her. He stopped in front of her and snatched the paper from her fingers.

"Hey!" Her outrage clear in her tone, she glared up at her accoster. Recognizing him, her consternation melted away into a warm smile. "Jimmy! I was just picking a few things up at Tompkins' store, and I'm just sure I forgot somethin'."

He could drown in her eyes. She could be describing a pile of dirt, and he would listen all day and most of the next if only he could stare into her eyes the whole time. It was the twinkle that got him. Whose eyes twinkled when talking about Tompkins' store? Before he finished asking himself that question, he realized he was going to kiss her. Next thing he knew, his hands were cupping her face and his lips were on hers. He silenced her with a firm, yet brief kiss.

He drew back and grinned, realizing he had left her dazed. "Jimmy..." She tried to scold him, but her breathlessness ruined the intended effect. He laughed and, taking her basket, drew her hand through the crook of his arm. Lou still looked rather confused, a fact he intended to tease her about, when they reached the buckboard. He was just about to help her up when he heard someone call out in a clear voice.

"Wild Bill! Wild Bill Hickok! I'm callin' you out!"


	23. Chapter 23

"Wild Bill! Wild Bill Hickok! I'm callin' you out!"

Lou's body reacted instantly to the rough voice she heard. Her heart was in her throat, making it hard to catch her breath. Her hand clutched Jimmy's arm desperately, her fingers cold and numb. She looked up at the man she loved, her stomach feeling as if it were suddenly made of lead. His eyes closed for a moment then opened, revealing a wave of emotions. Regret. Sadness. Resignation. And finally, determination.

Deep in her heart, a voice called to her to stop this from happening. _Please!_ But as much as she hoped no other fools or fame-seekers would search out the legend of Wild Bill, she knew she couldn't ask him to turn away from this. He might not seek this infamy, but it certainly sought him. And Lou knew that he couldn't truly walk away. If Jimmy decided not to draw his gun, there would eventually be someone who would simply shoot him anyway. What mattered most to her, was knowing with absolute certainty that he would never choose the life of Wild Bill. He abhorred the legend that left him with no peace. He loathed the challengers who came seeking fame by way of a notch on their gun.

"Jimmy, watch yerself." Her voice had unconsciously dropped to the register she had used when masquerading for the Pony Express. She could tell by the lift of his brow that he noticed too. "I'm in love with ya, ya foolish man, and I don't plan to let ya go fer a long time. So do what ya need to do and come back to me."

Jimmy studied her face, as if memorizing every freckle and line. His hand reached up to gently tuck a stray wisp of hair behind her ear. "Ah, Lou-"

"Aww, ain't this a touchin' scene? Wild Bill's gotta say goodbye to his floozy, afore I send 'im to Hell. Don't worry, jezebel, Big Danny'll be here to comfort ya." His laughter rang out through the silence. "I'm lookin' forward to showin' you what a real man can do, sweet cheeks."

Lou could see that the citizens of Rock Creek had all gone into hiding, though she had no doubt that they were being watched. Her eyes went back to Jimmy, her hand grasping his where it had been caressing her cheek. "Don't let him get to you."

When she looked back on what happened next, her mind slowed everything down to snail's pace. In truth it was a matter of seconds. She saw Jimmy open his mouth to tell her to get out of the way, and that had been her plan. Until. Until she heard the sound of the drifter's gun pulling from the holster. With Jimmy facing her, his back was unprotected. Without thinking and with a speed she didn't know she still possessed, she pulled one of his Colts free and fired. As Jimmy spun, the other man fell to the ground firing impotently into the dirt.

"Jimmy!" Teaspoon's voice was accompanied by the sound of boots running on the boardwalk. "Doc Jensen said someone called you out." He gained her side and tried to decipher the scene that met his eyes. "I reckon that's him?"

Jimmy glanced at Lou, his expression unreadable. "Yep, said his name was Danny."

"_Big_ Danny, if I recall," began Lou in a wry tone. "But that may have been a name he just gave himself."

Jimmy's jaw and fists clenched. Lou sighed, her attempt to lighten the situation hadn't been appreciated. "Look, Teaspoon, he called Jimmy out. I was standing right here. And as Jimmy was trying to make sure I got to safety, I heard that low down dog pullin' his gun. Jimmy's back was to 'im, so I did the only reasonable thing." She folded her arms and faced the marshal defiantly.

Teaspoon rubbed his hand over his face, then looked from her to Jimmy. "So you shot 'im."

Jimmy looked away, as Lou raised her chin with a stubbornness they hadn't seen from her in years. Her voice was low and impatient. "That's what I said. Shootin' that man was the only reasonable thing to do." She glanced back at Jimmy, who still wouldn't meet her eyes. Her bravado faltered. "Ask around, Teaspoon. We all know there were plenty of folks watchin'. And I wasn't gonna let 'im shoot Jimmy in the back."

Teaspoon took the proffered Colt from her hand and patted her on the shoulder. "I'm sure you did the right thing, Lou." He glanced at Jimmy as he continued, "My deputy and I are gonna need to ask some questions and get the undertaker to take care of the body."

Still unable to draw Jimmy's eye, Lou turned to climb onto the buckboard. She sucked in a breath when his hand took hold of hers to help her up. Her eyes flew desperately to his face, but he still kept his eyes averted. _Dammit!_ She felt tears burning her eyes, threatening to spill over. She could not regret her role in the events of this afternoon, but she was bewildered by his reaction. One minute he had been looking at her with his heart in his eyes, the next he wouldn't look at her at all.

"I do hope this... _business..._ won't keep ya from comin' to dinner tonight." Lou forced her watery eyes to meet Teaspoon's assessing gaze. "There'll be plenty."

He gave her a reassuring smile. "This shouldn't take too long, sweetheart." He glanced once more at his deputy, before speaking again, "And yer sure yer alright?"

The concern in his voice tore away the last vestige of control she had held over her emotions. A tear escaped and trailed down her cheek as her throat tightened. She looked at Jimmy, even as she answered the man she considered a father, "I was sure, Teaspoon. Now I just don't know." With that she urged the horses on, spending the ride home trying to understand where she went wrong.

* * *

"Son, what's wrong?" Jimmy's shoulders slumped at Teaspoon's question.

They'd already seen to the burial of Danny Malone. It seemed Danny had been traveling with a couple of other drifters, both of whom were aware of, but uninvolved in, his plans. They'd only been traveling together for a little over a week, so neither man could shed much light on Danny's past. Teaspoon urged the men to move on to the next town, and after quaking under Jimmy's steely glare, they were more than happy to comply.

Jimmy watched from the doorway of the marshal's office as the two men rode out of town. Finally he turned to face his mentor. "I don't quite know, Teaspoon."

The older man sat back in his chair. "What about all those things ya said this mornin'? Ya already changed yer mind?"

"Yeah... I mean, no..." He sighed deeply. "I don't know. It's not so much that I changed my mind..."

"Then what is it?" Teaspoon's voice was soft, but insistent. "'Cause I have a feelin' I ain't the only one who's gonna ask. If ya'd seen Lou's face when she left..."

"Somethin' just don't feel right about all this. This guy shows up, like so many others have, and calls me out. But not only did he not care about outdrawin' me, I don't think he'd have cared if he hit Lou too." Jimmy's eyes revealed a simmering fire, his anger building as he thought through the details again.

"What're ya sayin', Jimmy? That Malone wanted both of ya dead?" Teaspoon leaned forward, a sense of urgency hanging over them both.

"I know I ain't got no proof. But there's somethin' goin' on here. Somethin' other than someone wantin' to draw down on Wild Bill." Jimmy watched as Teaspoon stood and joined him at the door. "I think someone wants both Lou and me dead. But who? And why?"

"I hope yer wrong, son. But I know better than to doubt a lawman's intuition." The marshal rested his hands on his hips and looked out the door. "Malone's friends mentioned they'd last been at Marysville. I'll telegraph the sheriff over there and see if he's heard of our friend. We'll keep lookin,' Jimmy. If there's somethin' to be found, we'll find it."

"I hope I'm wrong." Jimmy pulled on his gloves as he spoke, his tone abrupt. "And I just hope I can explain this to Lou. And that she'll forgive me."

"Well, Jimmy, hope can be a wonderful thing, an important thing. It's good to have hope." Placing a hand on his shoulder, Teaspoon continued, "But since this is Lou we're talkin' about, you might wanna remember the three most important words and the two most important words a man can say to the woman he loves."

"Don't worry, Teaspoon. I plan to tell her I love her, and I'm sorry."

"That's a start, son, but those aren't the words I was talkin' 'bout." At Jimmy's questioning look, Teaspoon explained, "The three most important words are, 'I was wrong.' And the two most important words are, 'Yes, sweetheart.'

Jimmy swallowed hard. He had the feeling it might take all the words he'd ever learned to make it up to Lou.


	24. Chapter 24

Lou's mind raced. She'd been in a similar state since she returned from town. The events of the day were wearing on her, yet wouldn't let her rest.

When she drove up to the barn, Buck took one look at her tear-stained face and haunted eyes and folded her into an embrace. She told him everything that happened in town, then was forced to repeat her tale to Rachel and Theresa. By the time she repeated the story, she was beginning to see things differently. Jimmy's cold demeanor still worried her, but she now doubted that he was upset with her actions.

Buck also seemed a bit distant as he considered the shooting. Lou used the drive from town to process what happened, so she could recognize that Buck was trying to think through all the details. Rachel and Theresa had also been reserved after their initial exclamations of concern and dismay. Perhaps Jimmy's silence meant only that he was trying to work through something in his mind as well.

Once Lou got everything started for dinner, Theresa stepped in to take over preparations. "I can see this ain't where you need to be. Go, find something to do outside. That's where ya always do your best thinkin'." And as she took her sister's advice, the old song began to tumble unbidden from her lips.

_It was on one cold winter night,_

_When the wind blew across the wild moor._

_When Mary came wandering home with her child,_

_Till she came to her own father's door._

Lou spent many years keeping her own counsel. And once she found herself alone in Virginia with Theresa and Jeremiah, she knew true loneliness. It wouldn't have been fair to ask her siblings to shoulder her fears and doubts along with their own. She was responsible for them and wanted them to have a childhood. She sent them to school and spent the days in solitude. When she rode for the Express, she had often longed for quiet and the day when folks would stop nosing into her business. But Virginia made her miss all her brothers and their interference and questions.

_"Father, dear father," she cried,_

_"Come down and open the door,_

_Or the child in my arms will perish and die,_

_From the winds that blow across the wild moor."_

She had no one to go to for advice or even for just a friendly ear. And the silence. She had once read a story that mentioned a deafening silence. She remembered looking over the top of that book at Cody, Noah, Buck, and Ike sitting around the table laughing and teasing Jimmy and Kid about some misadventure, and she had longed for just such a silence.

_But her father was deaf to her cry._

_Not a sound of her voice did he hear._

_So the watchdog did howl and the village bell tolled,_

_And the wind blew across the wild moor._

But in Virginia it seemed all the silences were deafening. She spent her days with only the livestock for company. And while Lightning and Katy seemed to understand her moods, they never offered a word of comfort. What she wouldn't have given for that noisy bunkhouse! Left to her own devices, she finally resorted to singing as she worked. She hummed and whistled and warbled- anything to end the heavy silence that weighed her down each day. And this habit stayed with her, despite being amongst friends again.

_Oh, how the old man must have felt,_

_When he came to the door the next morn',_

_And he found Mary dead but the child still alive,_

_Closely held its dead mother's arms._

So as she split wood behind the barn, she found herself singing a tune that her mother had once sung. It was a tune she always gave voice to when she was most troubled, as if the connection to her mother might somehow offer comfort.

_In grief, the old man pined away,_

_And the child, to it's mother, went soon._

_And no one, they say, has lived there to this day,_

_And the cottage, to ruin, has gone._

* * *

Jimmy rode out to the Ranch, his thoughts a tangle of worry. He couldn't wait to see Lou and hold her in his arms as he should have done in town, but he was afraid his reception would be less than warm. He winced thinking about some of the arguments she used to have with the Kid. Hell, he remembered a few she'd had with him too. Lou's temper was formidable, and right now he deserved whatever she had to dish out. He never should have let her go this morning without saying some word of comfort.

Buck met him in the yard. "Hey Jimmy. Lou told us what happened in town. You find anything else out about Malone?"

Shaking his head, he answered, "The fellas he rode with said they came outta Marysville. Teaspoon's gonna send word to the sheriff over there. Maybe they know more about him." He swallowed hard before asking, "Where's Lou?"

Buck offered a sympathetic smile. "She was workin' on dinner before Theresa took over. She's already hung the wash and tended the garden, and now... If you listen, you can probably hear her."

Jimmy heard the distinctive thwack of wood being split and felt his eyebrows raise. "She's choppin' wood?"

Buck held his hands up to fend off further questions. "I told her I would take care of it, but she insisted. Said it was either that or she'd go set more fence posts. This seemed safer." The Kiowa took reins from his friend and led Sundance into the barn.

Jimmy forced himself to move toward a sound that meant the woman he had hurt was swinging a splitting maul. He'd faced gun-toting thugs and felt less fear than he did as he neared the woodpile. Another sound drifted to him, something musical. He could hear Lou's voice singing, and somehow this made him feel worse than if she were yelling or giving him the silent treatment.

_But the villagers point out the spot,_

_Where the willows grew over the door._

_Saying, "There Mary died, once the gay village bride,_

_From the wind that blew across the wild moor."_

They had talked about so much since her return, and he knew that she sang when she felt lonely. And he hated that he had made her feel that way. Then a sudden realization came to him. Everything he had confessed to Teaspoon about his feelings for Lou and everything that he and she had talked about all lead him to one conclusion. He had a question that only she could answer, and there was only one answer that would be acceptable to his heart.

Rounding the corner, he instantly realized that he couldn't simply blurt out his question. He owed her an explanation and apology for his behavior. She looked so small and frail as she swiped loose strands of hair out of her face. But as she lifted the splitting maul again, he could see the strength in her slight form. Those who looked at Louise McCloud and judged her weak or wanting did so at their own peril.

"I seem to remember you once telling me that I was choppin' so much wood I was gonna run outta trees. Looks like I could say the same to you." He winced inwardly as he saw her spine stiffen. Softening his voice, he continued, "Lou, I'm sorry about earlier, I..."

She spun around to face him, interrupting his practiced words. "Save it, Jimmy. I ain't mad at ya... anymore." Sighing, she leaned the maul against the back of the barn and pulled off her work gloves. "Did ya hurt me? Yeah. So don't do it again, lest I forget to be understandin' next time. I needed ya, and you know it ain't easy for me to admit that."

This was worse than if she'd laid into him with a show of her temper. He might even have preferred her tears to the calm way she spoke to him now. "I know, and I..."

She held her hand up to silence him again. "No. Ya had yer chance to talk back in town. Now it's my turn." She walked toward him, stopping just out of his reach. "I've had some time to think about what happened. Yes, I needed somethin' from you that I didn't get, but I'm a big girl and I can deal with it... Hopefully I'm readin' this right, when I think that the reason you were holdin' back had to do with you thinkin' 'bout what happened. And the more _I've _thought about it, something just don't seem right 'bout Malone."

"Lou..." He was going to tell her about his theories. He wanted to tell her that he was a fool for ever giving her reason to doubt his feelings. And he desperately wanted to ask her a question. But when he looked into her deep brown eyes, his words withered on his tongue. He needed to touch her. She may not want to hear his reassurances and apologies, but he knew that she needed them. She was strong, but she was still human. He closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.

At first she resisted his embrace, and he was sure he now knew what hugging a post would feel like. But finally she yielded, her body softening against his as her arms wound around him. Her voice drifted up to him, muffled against his shirt, "I saw you pullin' away from me, Jimmy."

"I know, darlin'. And I'm sorry." He placed a kiss on the top of her head and squeezed her tight. "And yer right... I _was _thinkin' 'bout what had happened and somethin' just don't feel right 'bout Malone."

Lou tried to pull away from his embrace, and he released her reluctantly. She drew back and looked him in the eye. "So who do we know who might want both you and me dead?"

Jimmy smiled at her direct nature. Lou was always one who liked to get to the point. "Yer incredible, ya know? Most ladies would be weepin', faintin', or weepin' _and _faintin'."

Her eyes danced and the corners of her mouth drew up in amusement. "I thought you'd figured out by now that I ain't most ladies."

* * *

**_I must confess to an error... If you were one of the earlier readers to get to the previous chapter, Malone's friends had claimed to come through Blue Creek. This is because my mind was in Sweetwater. Oops! I changed it to Marysville, and that is reflected here._**

**_And I must also confess to a bit of self-indulgence... The song Lou sings here is actually a song that has been passed through my family. I have a recording someone made of my great-grandmother singing this very tune. I sing it when I'm missing family or want to feel connected to where I came from. But it is a desolate sort of song, so it seemed a good fit for Lou's mood._**


	25. Chapter 25

Theresa stood beside the barn, her intent to fetch her sister and Jimmy for dinner momentarily forgotten. While she desperately hoped otherwise, she knew she had overheard correctly. Someone wanted her sister dead. Her hand fluttered to her throat. She could feel panic wash over her in an icy wave. Whoever wanted her sister dead was also after Jimmy. This was nearly as bad as someone trying to kill Lou. Theresa knew that if Jimmy died, her sister would never recover.

She was so proud of how far her older sister had come since they moved to Rock Creek. Theresa remembered how bleak everything had been before. Kid may only have been dead for less than a year, but Lou had been mourning him since the day he left. Maybe even before that, when he took them all to Virginia. Now that her sister was finally realizing how much she was loved and accepted here in Rock Creek, someone was trying to take it all away.

Rousing herself from her dark thoughts, Theresa stepped around the corner of the barn. Seeing her sister wrapped in Jimmy's arms, she smiled and coughed politely. "Ahem. Dinner's on the table, you two."

She was pleased to notice that Jimmy kept an arm draped comfortably across her older sister's shoulders. They both smiled at her, and she soon found herself held with Jimmy's other arm. As they walked to the house in companionable silence, Theresa felt a moment of contentment. Despite the danger stalking her family, she was thankful for everything she had on that ranch: love, respect, freedom, and a second chance at life.

As they settled in to eat dinner, Theresa soon came to the realization that everyone else was holding back. They didn't want to discuss what happened in town and what it implied in front of her. Part of her wanted to fume over being treated like a child, but she realized that they were only trying to protect her. _My sister doesn't know I'm stronger now. She's still worried about my heart being too weak to handle something so distressing. And aren't I just as bad? I haven't told her anything about using the teas Buck made._ Maybe it was time for everyone to lay their cards on the table...

"Lou, could you please pass the roast?" She smiled serenely at her big sister. She accepted the platter and served herself another helping of pork, wondering how to broach the subject. "Thanks."

"Can I get ya anything else?" Lou inquired.

Theresa drew in a deep breath. "You can tell me what we're gonna do about someone wanting you and Jimmy dead."

Everyone froze, waiting to see how Lou would respond. Theresa knew she had shocked her sister, she'd seen the widening of her eyes and heard the slight gasp. It wasn't often that she ever got one over her sister, but this was too serious a circumstance to celebrate such a triumph. She watched her sister's eyes go from shock to concern.

"Now, Sugarbear, there ain't nothin'..." Lou's tone was one Theresa would have expected her to use on a frightened child who'd claimed to see a monster under his bed.

"Louise, stop. I overheard you and Jimmy talkin' earlier. You don't think this was an isolated event. You think someone's out to get ya. I'm old enough and strong enough to hear the truth." She covered her sister's hand with her own and continued earnestly. "You've always taken care of me, Lou, and I appreciate it. And I think it's time I confessed something to you."

Looking to Buck and Teaspoon for reassurance, she squared her shoulders and continued, "Shortly after we got here, I decided that I wasn't ready to let my heart give out and take me from ya. I asked Teaspoon fer some advice, and he took me to Buck." Lou's eyes seemed to grow larger with each word. Theresa's courage faltered. She looked to Buck again for help.

"I made your sister some teas based on the medicine of my people and some other tribes. There are plants known to strengthen the heart." Buck's quiet voice soothed Theresa's panicked nerves.

Lou's eyes were glassy with unshed tears. She looked from Teaspoon to Buck and then to Theresa. Emotion roughened her voice. "I don't understand. Why didn't ya tell me?"

"Please don't blame Buck and Teaspoon! I made 'em promise not to say anything." Theresa felt terrible for upsetting her sister, but still felt it had been the right decision. "I'd always just accepted what the doctors in Virginia said. But after we got here, I decided that I wanted to try whatever I could to live. I knew how hard it was losin' Miah and Kid, and I didn't want ya to lose me too... And I didn't wanna leave ya. But I also didn't wanna get yer hopes up, in case it didn't work." Her voice cracked and she looked to Buck for help.

"But Lou," began Buck, his voice also bearing witness to his emotions, "it is working. Your sister is a fighter, and now she has the heart of a fighter as well."

Lou's small hand covered her mouth, as if trying to stem the flood of words that surfaced on her tongue. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she finally managed to speak. "Really, Sugarbear? You're really gettin' better?" At her sister's nod, Lou laughed and grabbed her hand. Looking around the table, she spoke again, "I'm sure you won't be surprised to know that I hate bein' kept in the dark. But I can't thank ya enough for helpin' my baby sister get better."

Theresa smiled as everyone chattered happily about the good news. She was glad to be healthy again and doubly glad to have been able to give her sister the good news. But now there were serious issues that needed their attention. She'd already fought for her own life, and she wasn't about to sit idly by when someone was threatening Lou.

She cleared her throat, looking intently at her sister and Jimmy, "Now, what are we going to do about someone wanting the two of you dead?"

A hush fell over the table. Jimmy took Lou's hand in his, squeezed it, and spoke. "Well, Theresa, I know I speak for your sister when I say that I don't plan letting that someone have their way. And I promise you I'll do whatever it takes to keep 'er safe."

Theresa could see the conflicting play of emotions on her sister's face. She knew well that her sister was bristling at Jimmy's words, while still appreciating his feelings for her. Lou fought so hard to be independent and strong that she sometimes took protectiveness as a threat. Jimmy surely wouldn't try to act like the Kid, smothering Lou and thinking he knew what was best for her.

"But we'll face this together, with anyone who's willing to help us." Jimmy's words erased the tension from her sister's face, and Theresa felt her own heart lighten. He wouldn't try to pack Lou in cotton wool like Kid had.

Rachel, Buck, and Teaspoon immediately affirmed their intentions of standing beside Lou and Jimmy as they faced this trial. Teaspoon added, "I've already wired Marysville to see if the Sheriff there's ever heard of Malone before. In the meantime, we'd best keep our eyes peeled for anyone that seems outta place."

"And Lou, you best be sure you're armed," added Rachel. "Even around the house."

Jimmy agreed, "That's right. And what about you, Theresa? Do you know how to shoot?"

Nodding, Theresa answered, "Yep. Lou taught me back in Virginia. I ain't as good as her, but I can shoot."

Theresa listened as the conversation continued into the night. They never settled on who might be behind the attack or just how they could end the threat, but she listened with rapt attention to every theory. After a while, she noticed her sister seemed distracted. Once everyone decided to call it a night and head home, she saw Lou slip outside and head for the corral.

After nearly half an hour passed, Lou still hadn't come back inside. Theresa decided to join her sister at the fence. Her older sister sat on the top rail, watching the horses trot around the corral. Her expression was one of distraction and concern. Theresa simply sat quietly by her side, waiting for her sister to speak.

"This just ain't right. Why is somebody tryin' to hurt Jimmy?" Lou's voice sounded strained. "I don't think I can stand it if something happens to him... I mean, I just got you back... And now I might lose Jimmy."

Theresa reached her hand over to her sister's shoulder and squeezed in what she hoped was a reassuring way. "Lou, you won't lose Jimmy. Everyone will be watchin' out for him and he's the fastest draw around too."

Theresa was surprised to hear a broken sob. Sliding closer and pulling Lou into her arms, she found herself in the unusual position of trying to soothe the woman who had been a mother to her. Her sister had cared for her through illness, loss, sadness, and suffering. She had always been able to look to Lou for reassurance and strength. And now this same woman was falling apart in front of her for the very first time. She knew on one level this meant her sister was looking at her as more of an equal now, but it also meant she needed to be strong for her sister too.

"Lou, I just know Jimmy will be okay." She hugged her sister tightly and felt her own frame wracked by Lou's sobs.

Lou continued to cry for a few minutes, allowing Theresa to comfort her. Finally she drew in a shaky breath and whispered, "That ain't the only thing I'm worried about... I... I don't want to die either."

Theresa wasn't sure what she expected her sister to say, but it wasn't that. And Lou's voice practically dripped with shame. "Well of course you don't. No one would blame ya fer that."

Lou pulled away, embarrassed by her own words and show of emotion. "Forget it. Forget I said anything." She swiped at the tears on her cheeks.

"Louise McCloud, you stop right now! What're you talkin' about?" Theresa stared at her sister in confusion.

"It's just that... This is the first time in forever that I really care about livin.' It's not so much that I wanted to die before, but it would've been easier. The only thing that kept me hangin' on through so many trials was you and 'Miah. And now I can see that yer practically grown up. Ya don't need me like ya used to." She turned to look at the corral, as if afraid to face her younger sister. "I was so angry and scared and exhausted after Kid left. I knew I couldn't give up, but there were long, dark nights when I didn't think it would be so bad to escape... Even if it meant dyin'. And yet I kept on, healthy as damn horse. Then I watched 'Miah die. And I watched you come so close to death that I'd picked out yer funeral clothes."

Theresa listened in shock as Lou shared her darkest thoughts and confessions. She had been devastated when she overheard everything her sister had confessed to Jimmy that day on the porch, but this was somehow harder. What she heard before was merely a timeline of events, this was the raw emotion those events left behind. Her heart broke anew for all her sister had sacrificed for her sake. Before she could interrupt, Lou continued.

"When word came about Kid... Something in me finally broke. I laid on his grave every night, beggin' him to come back and cursin' him for leavin'. I'd always told myself that when he came back, everything would be better. So when he didn't come back... I just didn't see how it could ever get better. But now... Now life is startin' to look better than I ever thought was possible. And I just don't want to die and leave it."

* * *

_**Sorry it's been so long... I hope the next chapter comes much sooner :) And thanks to Kyrielslight for prodding me to get to this. It's always nice to know someone wants to read more!**_


	26. Chapter 26

Rachel looked out the window for what felt like the hundredth time that evening and sighed wearily. They'd all been on edge since Malone called out Jimmy. So far Teaspoon had been unable to get any information on Malone or where he came from out of the sheriff of Marysville or any other towns to the east. And while that was bad enough, it had only managed to get worse.

As she stirred the chicken and dumplings, her mind went over the events of the previous week. First was Malone. Two days later, it was Tommy Jenkins. Everyone knew Tommy was trouble, but he'd always stuck to merely being a nuisance before. And when he tried to draw down on Jimmy, they never got a chance to ask him why.

Jimmy had been rather stoic about it all until the Timmons incident. It had been easy to face down the men coming after him. It was almost comfortable after so many years of men trying to chase the legend of Wild Bill. But then Timmons showed up and went after Lou. He'd tried to get her when she went to town one morning, but as with most men, he'd underestimated her grit and her riding ability. She'd ridden into Sweetwater like her life depended on it, even though Timmons had fallen from his mount after she returned fire.

Buck, Teaspoon, and Jimmy decided to take turns staying at the house with the women. The fact that Lou accepted this with no arguments spoke to how concerned she was. Strangers seemed to be coming out of the woodwork, and all of them up to no good. Yesterday Buck came across a drifter who seemed a little too interested in watching the school. Buck dragged the man to a cell so Teaspoon could question him. He didn't want to talk... Until Jimmy applied a little "friendly persuasion" to the situation. Teaspoon hadn't been pleased at his methods, but couldn't complain about the results.

Once Jimmy released the drifter's throat and the man could breathe again, he quickly supplied them with all the information he had. Someone had put a price on both Lou and Jimmy's heads. The last offer was $150 each, dead. If someone managed to bring either of them in alive it was worth twice that much. The drifter had reluctantly confessed that he'd planned to snatch Theresa from school and use her to draw Lou and Jimmy.

Setting the pan of biscuits on the table, Rachel shook herself from her reverie. It had been two days since anyone attempted to collect on the bounty on her friends. Part of Rachel wanted to relax and hope it was over, but she knew very well that this would only stop when they found out who was behind such a despicable plan.

Stepping out to call everyone in for dinner, Rachel came face to face with Teaspoon. His grim expression stopped her in her tracks. "What's happened now? Where's Jimmy?" She could feel herself growing frantic.

Teaspoon's face softened. "Everyone's fine right now. Jimmy's in the barn." He placed a reassuring hand on her arm. "I got a wire from Cody is all." As if anticipating her questions, he shook his head. "Call everyone together fer supper, and I'll tell 'em all at the same time."

Minutes later Rachel was looking at the concerned faces of her family. Theresa chewed her lip nervously. Buck absentmindedly gripped his medicine pouch. While Jimmy's posture appeared relaxed, his eyes revealed his inner torment. Rachel found herself fiddling with her napkin, folding and unfolding it over and over. She glanced at Lou and found her friend looked pale as she rubbed her hands over her face. They were all so weary after everything that had happened the past few days, but Lou really seemed the worse for wear.

Teaspoon cleared his throat. It had not escaped Rachel's notice that the usually colorful and verbose lawman had become subdued as well. "I decided to try and get a message to Cody about the goin's on we've had. It never hurts to have another ear to the ground, 'specially since we've had no luck with our other attempts." He coughed, as if embarrassed that his fellow lawmen had as yet provided no leads. "As I was sayin', I sent Cody a message, and today finally got his response."

_To: Teaspoon Hunter_

_From: William Cody_

_Heard through some associates about a price on Jimmy and Lou. Found out it's the Garrett clan. The five had three more brothers who want revenge for Fenton. On my way to Rock Creek now._

Rachel felt a sigh of relief bubble up within her. Cody's information brought them all great distress, but she couldn't help but feel that they would be stronger once they were together again. Having Cody back to help would almost feel like old times, and she hoped he would still be as witty as ever. They could all use a smile now. Jimmy's voice brought her back to her current surroundings.

"Dammit! The Garretts? But that was more than three years ago." Despite his angry tone, he was unconvinced by his own argument.

"Yeah, and are you plannin' to have tea with someone who kills your family?" Lou's voice was quiet. "It don't matter how many years pass. If anything, it can make the hate all that much stronger."

Buck nodded in agreement. "Revenge is like a powerful drug. Once you start to seek it, it consumes you. Nothing will satisfy you until you achieve it, but even then you will never gain what you truly seek."

"I don't understand," began Theresa. "Who are the Garretts, and what happened in Fenton? Why are they doin' this?"

Jimmy tried to explain. "The Garretts were five brothers who terrorized the town of Fenton every time supplies came in. They killed a friend of ours, Matt Rawlins. I called one of 'em out. Then the town begged me to help 'em, 'cause they knew the others would be ridin' in soon and would take revenge on the whole town."

Lou picked up the story. "I was over in Seneca at the time and saw the rest of the Garretts gettin' ready to head for Fenton, so I rode over to warn Jimmy. We found ourselves fightin' against the Garretts when they rode into town the next day. It was a fierce battle, but we won thanks to Emmett's help. He took over as sheriff when we left." Her tone was one of resignation, as if she were giving up the fight and accepting her fate. This didn't sit well with Rachel.

"Lou, you and JImmy were doin' the right thing. You don't deserve what's happenin' now." She could tell both Jimmy and Lou were having trouble accepting that truth.

"Maybe not, but I do know that none of you deserve this either." Lou stood and walked to the door. Darkness had fallen, making the land beyond the well-lit kitchen appear inky black and impenetrable. "If someone already planned to take Theresa, how long until they try again? And how long until they come after one of you?"

Teaspoon and Rachel exchanged glances, neither one liking the direction of Lou's thoughts. Teaspoon cleared his throat and spoke, "So what's your point, sweetheart? 'Cause if yer thinkin' of leavin,' you better think again."

Buck picked up Teaspoon's argument. "Teaspoon's right, Lou. We're stronger together. And you're family."

"And family always sticks together." Lou turned back to smile grimly. "I just hope that someone don't have to inscribe that on all our tombstones."

Jimmy reached his hand out, drawing Lou back to the warm circle of the table. "Lord knows I'd usually be the first one to run, but I got a lot that's worth fightin' for now. And I know I'm gonna need help. As much as it pains me to admit it."

Lou gave a genuine smile at his rueful admission. "I will confess that as much as I hate the reason fer it, I'll be right glad to see Cody again. And I do feel stronger with my family around me." She faltered. "It's just that..."

Rachel smiled encouragingly, "It's just what, Louise?"

"It's just that when it's only me, I... I don't feel like I got as much to lose. I ain't never been nothin' special, but you all... You all mean the world to me. I don't know what I'd do without any one of you." Her eyes had dropped to the table top with her admission.

"Dammit, Lou!" Theresa's vehemence surprised them all, even herself. "When are you gonna stop tellin' yerself that nonsense? You've always been special. You were like a ma to me before we went to the orphanage. And then you came to save us when Boggs took me and 'Miah, like some sort of guardian angel. You've always taken care of me and 'Miah, no matter what you had to go through. So you've always been special to me."

Rachel kept her voice soothing, "Theresa's right, Louise. You've always been special to each one of us. Once we got our initial, ahem, differences settled, you've always been a good friend to me. I told ya once that if I had a daughter, I'd want her to be like you. Nothing's changed."

"You've been a sister to me as well, _T'daun_. There aren't many women who would share their home and table with me, but you always have. And what's more, you've shared your heart and friendship with me." Buck's voice was soft, but urgent. He watched her reaction carefully, hoping their words were getting through to the stubborn woman.

Lou quickly dashed a tear from her cheek with her hand before looking up. Her expression was that of one duly chastened. "I reckon I gotta remember that I ain't alone. Sometimes it's hard not to forget that I've truly got family willin' and able to share my load. Sorry, Theresa, everyone."

Teaspoon sniffled, clearly affected by the conversation as well. "Well, I'm glad we got that settled. We're all here for Jimmy and Lou, and Lou understands that some of us see her like a daughter. And those people couldn't be prouder of the woman she's become."

"And those people just might be named Teaspoon, right, Teaspoon?" Jimmy chuckled as he watched his mentor blush. Lou walked around the table to hug the marshal, both of them laughing.

"I think everyone knows how I feel about Lou," began Jimmy. "But I just gotta say, I..."

"Fire," muttered Lou, her eyes focused on the window.

"What?!" A deafening cacophony of chairs scraping across the kitchen floor sounded as everyone scrambled to their feet.

"Fire! The barn's on fire!"


	27. Chapter 27

"Fire! The barn's on fire!" Lou ran out the door, closely followed by the others. "Katy and Lightning are still inside! What about the other horses?"

Buck shouted from somewhere behind her. "They're in the corral!"

"The fire ain't too big yet, we got a chance to stop it." Jimmy grabbed a bucket of water, tossing it at the flames. "We need more water and buckets. Rachel..."

"I'm on it, Jimmy! Theresa, come with me." Rachel ran to fetch the bucket she kept in the garden and sent Theresa to find the bucket kept at the bunkhouse.

Lou disappeared into the barn, coughing as she encountered thick smoke.

"Lou!" Jimmy thrust his bucket at Teaspoon and turned to follow Lou into the barn. "Lou! Dammit, woman!"

Ducking his head and pulling his bandanna over his mouth, Jimmy prepared to charge into the burning barn to save the woman he could no longer live without. Before he could get past the doors, he found himself facing the panicked eyes of Katy. He quickly stepped aside and found that Lightning was following closely behind. Yelling to Buck to see to the horses, he again prepared to enter the barn. "Lou!"

"Back here..." her words were punctuated with raspy coughs. "Jimmy!"

Just then he staggered into her. The smoke enveloped them both, weighing them down and burning their eyes and lungs. Finally they emerged into the clear night to the shouts of their family. Jimmy's vision was blurred by tears, but he could feel Buck's strong hands grasping his arm. He felt himself being tucked into his brother's side and led away from the heat and smoke near the barn.

As his eyes began to clear, he could see Teaspoon carrying Lou toward him. He became aware of a loud, barking sound, soon realizing that it was his own cough. He could hear Lou as well. Her abused throat, protesting the irritation of the bitter smoke, alternately gasped for air and coughed violently. He made his way to her side, his earlier frustration with her recklessness forgotten. He wanted to take her in his arms, but their coughing made it impossible. They stood side by side, bent at the waist. His hand rested protectively at the small of her back, and after a few minutes they were both able to speak without coughing every other word.

Jimmy remembered his fear at watching Lou run into the burning barn, his face showing his desire to shout. So Rachel tried to intervene. "Jimmy, are you alright?" At his terse nod, she turned to Lou. "What about you, Louise? Are you alright too?"

Lou nodded and waved her right hand, as if to fend off any other questions, when Rachel gasped. "Louise McCloud! What happened to your hand?"

Jimmy's lips formed a stern line as he gently, but firmly grasped her wrist. His gaze went from her hand to her face, his eyes holding a storm of emotion. Lou recognized the anger there, but also saw concern and fear in their depths. Taking all this in, Lou realized that it was love. Love for her made him fearful and angry when she was reckless. Love for him made her realize that her actions really did have an effect on him. It was a dance, one they took turns leading. His weary sigh as he turned away to help the men put out the fire drew her thoughts back to the present situation. What was the big deal Jimmy and Rachel were so upset about?

Lou looked at her hand, unaware of what had caused such a reaction. Her eyes widened when she saw the blisters on her palm. She remembered reaching for the latch to Lightning's stall and feeling a burning sensation in her hand. She had been running on pure adrenaline and didn't even realize she hurt her hand. Now that she saw it however, she began to feel just how painful it was.

"I must've burned it on the latch. The fire was just on the other side of the barn wall." Lou shook her burned hand as if to shake the pain off. "I didn't even know I burned it. I mean, it really didn't hurt until you said something." Lou sucked in a breath realizing just how badly her hand now hurt.

Rachel looked at her hand as closely as she could. "Lou, you better get into the kitchen and rinse that hand off at the pump, it's filthy!" She turned her friend toward the house and gave her a small push. "Besides, the cool water'll feel nice. Then we'll have Buck look at it later."

"But the barn..." argued Lou.

Theresa stepped in front of her sister when she tried to turn back. "We've got it under control, Louise. Now do as Rachel said!"

Startled by the stern tone her sister appeared to have mastered, Lou smiled faintly. "Okay, Sugarbear. I'm goin'." She dropped a quick kiss on her little sister's cheek. "I love you, Theresa... And thanks." With that Lou hurried into the house.

"A few more buckets of water should do it, boys." Teaspoon's voice was weakening from the strain of yelling and the burning sensation brought on by the smoke. "We'll just have to keep watch through the night to make sure it don't catch fire again."

Once the fire was out, the men began trying to assess the damages. Part of the barn wall would need to be replaced, but there was no real structural damage. "We sure got lucky," muttered Jimmy. "It coulda been a whole lot worse."

Buck hadn't said anything for several minutes. He was studying the site of the fire and frowning. Teaspoon noticed the young man's reticence and asked, "What is it, Buck? You find something?"

Buck shook his head. "It just don't make sense."

"When does fire ever make sense?" scoffed Jimmy.

"Well, it ain't like it's been hot or dry lately. So what would make the fire start anyway?" Buck examined the charred remains of the barn wall. "I just think it seems awful suspicious."

Jimmy gave him his undivided attention now. "You think this has something to do with the Garretts?"

Buck looked his brother in the eye and answered in the affirmative. "Nothin' else makes sense. I just don't think a fire would burn like this or in this spot on it's own."

Teaspoon stroked his chin thoughtfully. "This is the furthest spot from the house, so if they was tryin' to draw us out..."

Jimmy's blood ran cold. _Lou!_ He looked frantically around the yard, but couldn't find her. "Rachel, Theresa! Where'd Lou go?"

Rachel frowned momentarily as she turned away from Katy at the corral fence, "She had that nasty burn on her hand, so I sent her in the house to wash it at the pump in the kitchen. Theresa just went to check on her."

Jimmy was already running toward the house. At Theresa's shrill scream he somehow managed to move even faster. Just as he reached the porch, Theresa came flying out the door still screaming.

"Jimmy, it's Lou!" said Theresa breathlessly. "It looks like there was an awful fight in there, and Lou's gone!"


	28. Chapter 28

"Jimmy, it's Lou!" said Theresa breathlessly. "It looks like there was an awful fight in there, and Lou's gone!"

Jimmy felt the blood drain from his face. _No!_ He grabbed Theresa's arms in desperation, shaking her slightly. "Did you hear anything before you went inside?"

Not waiting to hear her answer, he pushed her aside and ran into the house. The scene that met his eyes stopped him dead in his tracks. Buck and Teaspoon followed him into the kitchen and also stopped short.

"Merciful God!" Teaspoon's voice was an agonized whisper, as he rested a trembling hand on Jimmy's shoulder.

Buck stepped forward, his concerned gaze carefully examining the chaotic display. Jimmy could barely make out his brother's voice. "Lou..."

Rachel's arrival was announced with her loud gasp. "Dear Lord! The blood..."

Jimmy swallowed hard and studied the scene before him. The remnants of their interrupted dinner were strewn about the table. One chair laid over on its side, another on it's back. The chair closest to the sink was splintered into several large pieces. What appeared to have once been a bowl lay in several shards. And then there was the blood. A large pool of blood was smeared across the floor. Even the food on the table was now tainted, giving it a morbid appearance. It seemed as if everything in the room was marked with a crimson stain. _So much blood..._

Theresa's whimper cut through Jimmy's dark thoughts. And then she asked the question he dreaded most. "How could anyone survive losin' so much blood?"

Jimmy, Buck and Teaspoon exchanged glances before Buck spoke. "I don't know if they could survive, but we don't know whose blood that is."

"And we know your sister's a fighter," Teaspoon quickly added.

Jimmy walked carefully through the kitchen, but there was no way to avoid stepping in the blood. He crouched near the broken chair and moved the debris around. Using the shattered remains of the chair leg, he lifted a crimson-soaked napkin. "I found something! Rachel, is this one of yer knives?"

He lifted the carving knife gingerly, holding it aloft so she could inspect it. "Isn't this what we used to slice the meat at dinner?"

She shook her head. "No. I mean, it is one of mine, but it was in the sink. I used it earlier to slice up some vegetable." Her voice shook and tears spilled down her cheeks. Jimmy could see the panic building in her eyes.

Teaspoon ventured further into the kitchen, while Buck moved into the hallway beyond. The marshal studied the horrific scene, trying to remain objective as he attempted to piece together what happened where they had just been gathered as a family. "It looks like everything sorta started by the sink. That looks like the center of..."

"Jimmy! Teaspoon! Bring the lamp and look at this," called Buck from the hallway.

Rachel handed the hurricane lamp to Teaspoon as they all crept toward Buck's voice, dread painting their expressions. As the light began to cast away the shadowy gloom of the hall, further evidence of a violent struggle was revealed. Bloody bootprints, puddles, and streaks marked the passage, but Jimmy's eye was drawn to the small, crimson handprint staining the wall.

His own hand was drawn to it involuntarily, as if by tracing the gory stamp he could somehow feel her with him. Feel her delicate fingers intertwined with his. But all he felt was an even deeper sense of anguish. She was gone, taken from him with such violence that he was nearly frozen with fear. But as he stared at the imprint of her hand, he felt something ignite within him. He turned away from the proof of Lou's life and death struggle with such ferocity that Teaspoon actually took a step back.

"Now listen, son," the marshal began, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. "We gotta do this right. We can't just run out into the night, guns a-blazin'. We need to think this through if we wanna get Lou home in one piece."

Buck's voice held a soothing tone he usually reserved for breaking stubborn horses. "Teaspoon's right, Jimmy. Lou was alive when she left this house."

Jimmy wanted to question his brother's assessment of the situation, but Theresa beat him to it. "But how do ya know that? There's so much blood! And, and the knife..." Her voice trailed off into a sob as Rachel pulled her close.

Buck looked at Jimmy as he answered Theresa's question, seeming to realize that the answer was even more important to the one who didn't ask. "You said it yourself, there was quite a fight here. If that blood all came from your sister, she wouldn't have had the strength to fight so hard for so long. This fight went from the kitchen, all the way to the front door."

"I say Buck's got somethin' there," Teaspoon carried the lamp to the front door, which stood open. As the light washed over the casing, Jimmy's eyes were drawn to another crimson print. Teaspoon saw it as well, gesturing toward it as he continued. "We know the bounty was double if she was alive, so they'll wanna keep her that way. But she didn't go without a fight, and it looks like there was still a lot of fight in 'er. That means there was more than one person in here, and with all that blood... Well, I'd say they'll be down a man by mornin', if not sooner."

"Enough talkin'! We need to get out there and find 'er," Jimmy's voice wavered. He cursed his lack of control. He needed to stay detached, but every time his eyes strayed to where Lou's hand had marked the door casing... He could picture her trying to hold on to the frame, desperate and afraid, wondering why no one came to help. _Did she call for me? Did she call out my name in the hope that I would protect her like I promised._

"Jimmy, you'll never be able to track 'em in the dark." Rachel put a calming hand on his arm. "You need to make a plan and rest up. They got an injured man slowin' 'em down. So that should make 'em easier to follow too."

He was about to argue when Theresa stepped up to him. He was almost afraid of how she would react to him. He'd promised her that he would protect her sister, and then this had happened. Would she be angry? Would she curse him? He simply wasn't prepared for what the young girl did next.

Theresa McCloud threw her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. She was still crying, her sobs shaking them both. "Please, Jimmy... listen to Rachel... and Teaspoon... and Buck. I don't want anything... to happen to you too. I hafta believe... that my sister... is alive." She sniffled. "And she wouldn't want... anything... to happen to you."

Jimmy held her close, rubbing her back with long calming strokes. He had a definite weakness for the McCloud women. He couldn't deny Lou anything, nor could he deny her sister. Though it pained him to admit it, he knew Rachel and the others were right. They needed to wait until dawn to track Lou and her captors. "Alright, Theresa. I promise, I won't go until daybreak." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "And I promise I'll do everything in my power to bring her home."

Rachel soon stepped in to lead Theresa to bed, then they all began cleaning up the mess and planning their next move. Buck and Teaspoon tried to keep Jimmy calm as they weighed all the possibilities. Finally it was just Teaspoon and Jimmy left awake. Both men sat on the porch staring into the inky darkness, each somehow hoping against hope that he would see some sign of her.

Finally Jimmy broke the silence. "I know that we couldn't hear what happened 'cause of all the commotion around the fire and the horses." He stopped as if unable to say more.

Teaspoon nodded, then said simply, "But?"

Jimmy looked him dead in the eye. "But what if she was callin' to me to help 'er, and I never came?

She had to have been scared... terrified. And she was all alone."

"Son, I know and love Louise like she was mah own daughter. I guarantee she ain't gonna blame you for any of this. Nobody does." The older man spoke with great certainty.

"But that's where you're wrong, Teaspoon," Jimmy looked at his mentor with eyes filled with shame. "I blame me."


	29. Chapter 29

As the rosy fingers of dawn began to stretch across the horizon and ever higher into the sky, Jimmy anxiously checked his saddle one more time. He realized that they all had their own ways of dealing with such a serious situation. Rachel had packed them food and medical supplies enough for a small army. Buck had gathered healing herbs. Teaspoon made sure they each had enough supplies to build a travois, should it become necessary. Jimmy made sure they were all fully armed. And Theresa brought Lightning to them.

"When you find her, she'll need her horse to ride home." She spoke with quiet confidence, a confidence Jimmy deeply feared was misplaced. "I know you'll bring her back to me, Jimmy. And she knows it too." And then she looked at him with eyes so much like Lou's that he was nearly undone.

Jimmy couldn't speak in the face of such faith. He hugged her tightly, and after dropping a kiss on the top of her head, mounted his horse. Teaspoon gave Rachel and Theresa some last minute instructions, and then they were on their way. As they figured, Buck had been able to pick up the trail of Lou's captors rather easily.

After less than an hour the trio made a grim discovery. In an area with a thick stand of trees they discovered the body of a man just off the main trail. His clothes were soaked in blood, a state easily explained by the two stab wounds in his stomach.

"He's dead alright. And I think it's pretty safe to say that it was his blood back at the house." Buck stood over the body, looking relieved that they had found an explanation for the horrific scene at the ranch that also gave hope for finding Lou alive.

"Unless I'm completely mistaken, I think that's Gavin Turner. I got a wanted poster for both him and his brother Owen last month." Teaspoon didn't share the same look of relief, a fact Jimmy immediately noticed.

"What're they wanted for, Teaspoon?" Jimmy's voice was a low growl. The hope he felt at Buck's discovery of Gavin Turner was rapidly fading at the possibility of what Lou could still be facing at the hands of the dead man's brother.

"Bank robbery... and murder. Killed a guard at the bank." Teaspoon looked at his deputy with a mix of fear and regret before continuing. "And they was suspected of killin' a family outside of St. Joe. Husband, wife, and three little 'uns."

Buck was quick to cut in, "She's worth way more to 'em alive, Jimmy. They'll be tryin' to keep 'er that way."

"And that might work if she didn't fight 'em. But we already know she put up a fight at the ranch. What're the odds she'd quit without bein' hurt or dead?" Jimmy felt with cold certainty that if they didn't find Lou by nightfall, they'd never see her alive again. "Enough talk, let's ride on!"

A roaring sound filled Lou's head. For a moment she forgot where she was, but as she slowly forced her eyes open she remembered everything. Standing in front of the sink in Rachel's kitchen and pumping cold water over her blistered hand, she didn't hear someone sneak up behind her. A rough, dirty hand clapped over her mouth while its mate gripped her arm painfully. With a split second to react, she grabbed a knife from the sink and struck out. Her aim was wild, but true, her knife finding her attacker's stomach twice before it was ripped from her hand.

She remembered struggling as she fought the men trying to take her. She'd scratched and clawed at anything she made contact with until she felt the butt of a pistol connect with her head. She'd awakened on the trail, just as Gavin was dying. Horrible timing on her part, as this meant Owen was even angrier with her than before. She'd been very much afraid that he might beat her to death. His blows had been numerous and heavy until she'd been lucky enough to fall unconscious.

As she struggled to clear her head and gain her bearings, a wave of nausea overtook her. The blows to her head must have been harder than she originally realized. Lou was almost certain she had a concussion, which would make any escape attempts that much more difficult. Add to that the fact that her hands were bound and she was currently held in place in front of her captor, and it was clear that she would have to get Owen to stop somehow. Begging for mercy certainly wouldn't work.

She would have to plan her movements carefully. If she somehow slid off the horse she could very easily be stepped on. But with her head throbbing and stomach churning, she wasn't sure she could afford to not make an attempt. As she contemplated her options, Lou realized Owen was slowing. He seemed to be looking back over his shoulder. She continued to give the appearance of not being fully conscious, though she desperately wanted to look back.

Owen swore and nudged their mount into the trees off the main path. He slid from the saddle, dragging her roughly with him. Despite her efforts to appear only semi-conscious at best, Lou realized that he hoped to minimize her ability to cause him further trouble by gagging her. Soon his sweaty bandana was tied around her head. He handled her roughly before pushing her aside and drawing his gun.

Now that he was ignoring her, Lou tried to look around surreptitiously for something to use as a weapon. Her eyes landed on a rock small enough for her to pick up easily, yet large enough to knock a man out. It was a few feet away, so the challenge would be getting to it without drawing his attention.

She tried to move slowly, never taking her eyes from Owen. Her heart thrilled when she could finally hear the distant tattoo of hoofbeats. _Jimmy!_ She tried to stay calm, but in her soul she knew her family was coming. She couldn't afford to wait and let them be ambushed. She lunged for the rock, feeling it's rough surface scratch against her palm just as Owen noticed her movement.

She felt his body slam into her, but managed to keep her grip on the stone. He forced her onto her back, slamming her head into the ground. As the sound of approaching riders grew nearer, she tried to scream around the gag. Surely Buck would be able to tell they'd left the trail. He would slow the others down, so they'd be able to hear the scuffle. She fought and screamed with renewed vigor, struggling against both Owen and her bindings.

"Dammit to hell! I shoulda snuffed you back at house!" Owen's focus was fully on her, his hands at her throat. Alternately slamming her against the hard ground and throttling her until spots swam before her eyes and threatened to envelop her in cool, inky darkness, he was a man possessed. "Ain't no woman gonna get the best of me!"

As she struggled to stay conscious, Lou remembered the rock in her bound hands. Mustering all her strength, she swung the rock blindly and made contact with Owen's skull. As he fell forward she pushed him to the side, scrambling out from under his bulk. Laboring to her feet, Lou staggered back to the main path. The hoofbeats were almost on top of her now. She broke through the undergrowth and onto the main trail just as Jimmy, Buck and Teaspoon came into sight.

Though she wanted to fall to her knees with relief and exhaustion, Lou forced herself onward. They weren't safe until someone put a bullet in Owen Turner. She was vaguely aware of the tears streaming down her face at the sight of her family. She tried to call a warning, but Owen's gag was still tied tightly about her head. Her muffled cries and disheveled appearance startled the men into action.

"Lou!" Jimmy quickly jumped from his horse and ran to her side, while Buck and Teaspoon scanned the clearing for any sign of her captors. As soon as he reached her, Jimmy's hands went to work loosening the gag. "Lou, are ya hurt? Are ya bleedin' anywhere?"

Her voice croaked out, "Watch out, Jimmy! He's got a..."

A shot rang out through the clearing, followed seconds later by another.

* * *

_**Many thanks to Eunice for helping me make sure the action all made sense. :)**_

_**I'm of a mind to let Buck get his hands on Owen and question him. Our Kiowa friend can be so persuasive, especially when he has the chance to hunt down large spiders ;) But who knows just what those bullets meant?**_


	30. Chapter 30

Jimmy couldn't fight the feeling that they were getting closer to Lou. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end as he scanned the sides of the trail. This wasn't the old days, where his job or his pride was on the line. This was life or death, Lou's life or death. If he didn't save her, there would be no saving himself. The dark urges he'd always fought off in the past would take him over. Even J.D. Marcus would have trouble imagining just how wild he could become.

Buck slowed their pace along the wooded trail. "He's slowin' down through here. Could be his horse is tired, but I suspect he knows he's bein' followed."

Teaspoon nodded his agreement. "Turner'll probably leave the trail to hide. Let's keep our eyes and ears open, boys."

"She's close by, Teaspoon." Jimmy's voice was low, but filled with certainty, "I can feel it."

They could soon hear the faint sounds of some sort of scuffle coming from off the trail. A man's voice was heard, though they couldn't make out what he was saying. Jimmy urged Sundance onward, Lightning following close behind. He pulled one of his Colts free of its holster, prepared to face down the devil if need be.

As they came around a bend in the trail and slowed their horses, something came crashing through the undergrowth. Lou! He holstered his gun as he tried to take in her disheveled appearance. Sagging with what seemed to be relief, she was battered and bloody, her hands bound at the wrist and a filthy rag tied through her mouth. She was almost unrecognizable.

For the barest of moments, the men were motionless with shock. Then she staggered toward them, the gag muffling her desperate cries. Jumping into action, Jimmy leapt from his saddle and raced to her side. As soon as he reached her, his hands went to work loosening the gag. "Lou, are ya hurt? Are ya bleedin' anywhere?"

Her voice croaked out, "Watch out, Jimmy! He's got a..."

A shot rang out through the clearing. Jimmy felt a burning sensation in his left arm and an instantaneous sense of confusion. He'd been shot; he was familiar with the feel of a bullet tearing through his flesh. But how could he have been hit there when Lou was standing in front of him? Like a match struck into flame, comprehension dawned and a second shot rang out.

What felt like minutes had merely been seconds. Jimmy's head whipped around in time to see Teaspoon lowering the smoking barrel of his pistol, a indecipherable look on his face. He turned back to the woman in his arms just a fraction of a second later. His eyes scanning her battered face.

"Jimmy, yer hurt." Lou's voice was but a whisper. Her legs started to buckle.

"I'm fine, Lou." He struggled to keep his voice calm as his arms pulled her crumpling form closer. "Stay with me, sweetheart!"

Buck appeared at his side as Teaspoon made his way to their assailant. "You been hit, Jimmy?"

Shaking his head, he bent down to sweep the small woman into his arms. He winced as he settled her in place. "Just winged me a bit, but it had to go through her first." His eyes scanned Lou's bedraggled frame for a wound. She was covered in so much blood that he couldn't find where the bullet passed through her. "Darlin'? Can you tell me what hurts?"

Buck's eyes had widened with alarm. He also searched Lou's wilted figure for a gunshot wound. "Lou, can you talk to us? What hurts?"

Though her eyes remained closed, Lou finally sighed and answered in a weak voice, "Everything hurts. 'Specially my arm and my head."

Realizing her hands were still bound at the wrists, Buck drew his knife to cut the ropes. Jimmy felt his anger grow as he saw the angry, red, rope burns marking her tanned skin. Buck's hands moved quickly along her arms and the bullet wound was soon found in her right shoulder. Buck's gentle fingers then moved to her head. As Lou groaned, he frowned and pulled his hand away. His fingers were covered with blood.

"Dammit!" Jimmy felt impotent with rage. He wanted to visit violence on the men responsible for hurting Lou, but knew he needed to focus on her now. Yet what could they do? He looked helplessly at Buck.

Teaspoon stepped out from the undergrowth, grimacing at his inspection of Lou's lifeless form. "We need to set up camp until we know it's safe to move mah girl. 'Sides, we need to tend to Jimmy's arm too."

Buck gestured toward the trees with his head. "What about Turner? Dead?"

"Nah, but he's gonna wish he were." Teaspoon gave Buck an appraising glance. "If I ain't mistaken, you've been pretty persuasive in the past. D'ya think ya could get Turner to tell us what he knows about the Garrett brothers?"

A ghost of a smile pulled at the corner of Buck's mouth as he answered, "He'll sing like bird, Teaspoon."

"Well, he's all tied up at the moment. So let's see to Lou and Jimmy here before we make anymore plans." Noticing Jimmy's grimace, Teaspoon reached his arms out to relieve him of Lou's weight. When Jimmy started to pull away, resisting his mentor's attempt to help, Teaspoon spoke quietly but firmly, "Jimmy, let us help ya. Lou is special to all of us. And we need to tend to the both of ya." Jimmy started to protest, but Teaspoon cut him off. "Besides, we need to clean up yer arm so yer all ready to pay a little visit to the Garrett brothers."

"Jimmy," Lou's voice was weak and scratchy. She didn't even open her eyes, though Jimmy suspected this was as much from the increased swelling in her face as it was her weakened state. "Please..."

Teaspoon gathered Lou into his arms as easily as if he were holding a child. And Jimmy realized that as far a Teaspoon was concerned, that was exactly what he was doing. He'd always been a father figure to the riders, but once he knew her secret, Lou was always special to him. Jimmy looked the older man in the eye and saw a kind of pain and fury that he'd rarely seen before. Lou was his child, and after finally getting her back in his life someone had tried to take her away.

Jimmy felt a chill run down his spine. There would be some dark days ahead, but he had his family with him. Even Cody would be coming home soon, and they would stand together. Casting a worried glance at the woman in Teaspoon's arms, Jimmy's fears again took hold. Having the rest of his family around him would be a comfort, but if anything happened to Lou... Even the love of his family wouldn't be enough to pull him back from the darkness that threatened to claim his very soul.

* * *

Louise McCloud had felt a lot of things over the years. But as she was held first in Jimmy's arms and then Teaspoon's, she felt the unusual combination of intense pain and peace. The murmur of familiar voices felt like a balm to her battered spirit. She was among family. They had come for her, had risked themselves to save her.

And she had fought hard to be saved. She struggled at every opportunity to break free and stay with them. And now that she was with them again, she felt some of her fighting spirit start to fade in the face of her weariness and relief. She could finally rest.

Lou felt herself descending into the welcoming darkness as if she were sinking slowly into the old swimming hole. Though her limbs were leaden, she still had a feeling of buoyancy. The waters were murky, yet they beckoned her. There was no struggling there, only peace. But even as she felt herself pulled to the nebulous depths, she could hear a persistent buzz calling to her.

She let the call cajole her ever closer until she again was aware of the pain she had been about to escape. The body that had moments ago been floating toward peace now felt anchored and heavy with hurt. Her temper flared with annoyance, and her voice came as a testy mumble, "Wha'?"

Soothing tones beseeched her. "Lou, sweetheart, I need ya ta stay with me. Can ya do that?" It was Teaspoon calling her back.

"So tired..." She'd never been so tired in all her life.

"I know, darlin'," crooned Teaspoon. "But I need ya to stay awake fer as long as yer able, alright?"

"Ah wan' sleep..." Her words had a bit more force to them than before. Why couldn't he leave her in peace?

She became aware of a cool dampness touching her tender flesh. Whimpering in pain, she tried vainly to gather the strength to fight off the gentle yet agonizing assault on her body. "No..."

"Dammit, Teaspoon! What're ya doin' over there?" That was Jimmy's voice, she'd know it anywhere. Why did he sound funny? Almost like he was afraid. "Ow! Buck! Enough fussin,' it's just a scratch."

She remembered then that he'd been shot. The darkness beckoned her again with it's wordless reassurances of peace. She struggled against its weight to open her eyes. When she finally succeeded, the worried faces of Teaspoon, Buck, and Jimmy came into focus. "Jimmy, you alright?"

He gripped her left hand in his, raising it to his lips to press a kiss to her scratched knuckles. "I'm fine, sweetheart."

"Didn't think I'd see any of ya 'gain." She closed her eyes as she swallowed against the pain in her throat. "Never been so happy... to be wrong."


	31. Chapter 31

Jimmy studied the horizon as the sun slipped from the sky. His thoughts were a chaotic jumble. The relief he'd felt at finding Lou was tempered by the fact that it would take more than finding her to save her. Until the Garrett brothers were stopped, men would be coming. Just like the Turner brothers had come for them, there would always be another waiting. He was used to being pursued, but this was different... In the past he was hunted by men seeking fame and glory, but now they were desperate, greedy vermin willing to hurt anyone in their way. And it wasn't just him they were after.

A soft whimper in the distance drew his gaze back to the small form he could just make out by the fire. Nearly an hour had passed since Lou last spoke to them, admitting that she'd been afraid she'd never see them again. She hadn't been able to tell them everything the Turner brothers had done to her, but as Buck tried to get her cleaned up and comfortable he cataloged her injuries. Despite Jimmy's insistence that he could tend to her, Teaspoon had ordered him to help with another task instead.

As he staked Owen Turner to the ground in a spread eagle pose, he begrudgingly admitted to himself that it was probably for the best. He already wanted to kill Owen. Actually he wanted to find a way to kill him more than once. But if he were with Lou, seeing every little scratch before she was cleaned up, he might reach into Turner's chest with his bare hand and pull out his heart. As it was, he was having some trouble keeping his Colts holstered.

"Good job, Jimmy." Teaspoon laid his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Now why don't you go sit with Lou fer a bit. Buck and I will have a little chat with Owen."

"Dammit, Teaspoon! When're you gonna quit treatin' me like I'm some kid, wet behind the ears? I don't need ya to handle me like I cain't control my temper or my guns." Jimmy struggled to keep his voice level. He knew he wasn't making the best case for being able to control himself, but he found himself desperate to act. "I can make Turner talk."

Teaspoon's voice held a patient, fatherly tone that seemed at odds with his obvious plans for their captive. "I know you can, son, but I have somethin' else in mind. And I want to send a message to the Garretts with this too." He looked away as he continued, "They ain't just comin' fer you. They're comin' fer my girl too, and they don't care who they have to hurt to get ya. I told ya before, family's family. If they're comin' fer you two, then they're as good as comin' fer me."

Jimmy swallowed his arguments, knowing that if positions were reversed he would tell Teaspoon the same thing. "You sure ya want the Garrett's gunnin' fer ya?"

"What I want is fer those cowards to know that this ain't no game. The only way they'll ever get to you and Lou is through all of us." The older man's voice was thick with emotion. "Yer my kinfolk. And I waited years to get my girl back. I ain't gonna lose her now."

"Teaspoon's right, Jimmy." Buck approached the two men quietly. Jimmy could see that his friend had removed his shirt, painting both his face and chest with ceremonial markings. There was an intensity to Buck's voice that Jimmy seldom heard, like a tightly leashed rage was coursing through his veins. "Whoever comes for my brother or sister comes also for me." He looked back toward the glow of the campsite. "Lou needs you. She's not out of danger yet."

Jimmy felt an intense fear take root in his heart. "I cain't lose her, Buck."

"Then go to her. Keep talkin' to her so she doesn't forget she has a reason to fight." Buck swallowed, shifting his eyes to Teaspoon and back to Jimmy. "She's been hurt pretty bad. At least a couple of broken ribs, a concussion, and some deep cuts and bruises. Not to mention the burn she got in the fire and the gunshot wound."

Teaspoon cleared his throat. "What is it ya ain't tellin' us, Buck?"

The Kiowa warrior ran his hand through his dark hair. "She's lost a fair amount of blood and is already runnin' a fever. She's weak and gettin' weaker. If she doesn't have the will to fight..."

"Alright. You see to our friend Turner, and I'll take care of Lou." With that Jimmy turned and immediately made his way toward the flickering glow of the fire and the small figure shivering next to it. The part of him that faced down fame seekers and hardened criminals craved the chance to extract punishment on the man who'd dared to hurt Lou. But Jimmy was honest enough with himself to acknowledge that doing so would be taking the easy way out.

As he knelt down beside the woman who had become his whole world, he realized that it was likely the hardest thing he'd ever done. Here he sat, out in the wild, watching the woman he loved fight for her life. And what could he do to help? He couldn't shoot a fever. He couldn't out-strategize an infection. He couldn't intimidate broken bones into knitting faster. Now Lou was facing a battle, and all he could do was hold her hand and talk. He'd never been good with words or sharing his feelings; he was a man of action.

He cleared his throat. "Lou... Lou, I just wanted ya to know that I'm here. You were worried about me gettin' shot, but I'm just fine. You're gonna be fine too." He dabbed her sweaty brow with the handkerchief Buck had left and opened his mouth to continue.

Before he could get another word out, a tortured scream rang out from the where he'd left Owen Turner staked to the ground. This was immediately followed by a loud groan and, several seconds later, by another shrill scream. It became an unnerving sort of dance as Jimmy tried to pour out his heart to Lou around the sounds of torment coming from their captive. He found himself wondering just what was being done in the darkness. After a long while, Turner finally fell silent.

Lou, however, was growing more restless by the minute as her fever climbed. Jimmy's heart broke as he listened to her vague mumblings and random exclamations. Though he tried his best to soothe her, she appeared to be reliving various events. She railed at Boggs, Tyler, Lambert, Hopkins, and Wicks. She cried out for Ike and Noah. She called to Emma. She begged Kid not to leave. She wept for Jeremiah and her mother.

Hearing her torment was hard enough, but Jimmy began to feel something else as he listened to her fevered cries. Why hadn't she called to him? Why didn't she beg him not to leave? He wouldn't call it jealousy, but there was a pang in his heart at not hearing his own name cross her lips. He mopped her brow, his heart heavy within him.

A rustling sound from the darkness drew his attention just as Buck and Teaspoon became visible in the gloom. They walked slowly toward the warmth of the fire, their faces marked with a certain sense of grim satisfaction. They sat near the flames, both obviously chilled by the autumn night. Buck quickly slipped his arms into his shirt, shivering as he worked at the buttons. As he reached for his vest, Teaspoon took a swig of water from his canteen.

Jimmy lost what was left of his patience. "Well? You two get anywhere? Did Turner talk?"

"Sang like a canary," Teaspoon's face held the ghost of a smile.

"He told us where the Garretts are holed up, what their plans were... everything." Buck's half smile, though familiar, now held a quality that made a chill run down Jimmy's spine.

"What did ya do to 'im to get 'im to talk? I couldn't help hearin' 'im scream." And though Jimmy asked, there was a small part of him that didn't want to know what would make a grown man make those sounds.

Teaspoon swallowed a bite of jerky before answering. "Well ya see, Jimmy, the Indians have a way... a procedure, ya could call it... to deal with prisoners. They call it 'caressing.' They don't kill 'em right off. Hell, some tribes would make it last for several days before they finally finished ya off. A cut here, a burn there, a broken finger or two." He took another drink, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "Let's just say that Mr. Turner took some persuading, but he finally saw reason and became quite helpful-like."

Jimmy couldn't help but study Buck as Teaspoon spoke. Though he had no problem with their treatment of Turner, considering what their prisoner had done to Lou, this wasn't anything he ever would have expected Buck to participate in. He did seem to remember his brother using a pit of snakes and some very large spiders to deliver a message back when they were riding for the Express, but Buck was generally the most patient and peaceful of all his brothers except maybe for Ike.

"I know what yer thinkin', Jimmy," Bucks voice was quiet, but sure. "But no one threatens my family. And Turner did a lot more than just threaten us. He nearly killed Lou and destroyed our family." Another quirk of that expressive mouth. "Besides, we didn't kill 'im. Did we Teaspoon?"

"Why no, Buck, we did not." Teaspoon hooked his thumbs in his suspenders.

"In fact, we left him with food and water." Buck nodded as he spoke, but turned serious as he moved to crouch over Lou's bedroll. "How's she been doin'?"

For a moment, Jimmy forgot the unsettling discussion he'd just been party to and sighed wearily. "She ain't been awake since we all talked to her earlier. Her fever's been risin', far as I can tell. She feels hotter 'n' hotter all the time. And she's been carryin' on about the past." Jimmy broke eye contact with Buck, afraid his observant brother would see his confused jealousy. But he couldn't seem to stop himself from adding, "She's seemed to fuss at every lowlife we ever crossed paths with and call out for everyone she misses."

"Son, she ain't got call to miss ya." Teaspoon's voice held a gentleness he usually reserved for dealing with Rachel or the McCloud sisters. Jimmy looked at his mentor, unable to keep the shock and shame from his face. "Jimmy, she knows yer here. Deep down, she knows that she's back with 'er family. She's caught up in memories, most 'em bad by the sounds of it. And ya can't judge based on just the ramblin's of a fevered mind."

Jimmy floundered, uncertain how to respond, when Buck stepped in and saved him from having to speak at all. "Jimmy, if you can get some water on to boil, I can brew some willow bark tea and mix up some medicines to put on her burn."

And so the rest of the night was spent in relative quiet, broken only by Lou's occasional utterances and the change of watch. As each man took a shift caring for the young woman, they grew more and more concerned about how to get her home without causing her even more pain.


	32. Chapter 32

As the sun's rays began to creep over the horizon, Teaspoon dragged a weary hand over his face. He'd taken the last watch, and as he sat in the stillness watching over his boys and girl, he began to wonder if this might be it. He hadn't lost one of his boys since Noah, not on his watch anyway. Kid, well he'd always regret losing him, but Teaspoon knew that he couldn't have stopped Kid from fighting if Lou couldn't.

But now if was beginning to look like the Garretts might just win by default. Teaspoon felt confident that the Garretts themselves could be stopped, but if Lou died... Well, if he lost his girl, they might as well have killed him too. And Jimmy. And Theresa. Hell, the family would be destroyed. It had been nightmarish, the years she'd been gone, but at least they had hope. If they knew she was dead... Hope could be a dangerous thing, but the lack of hope could be far worse.

The sun began to break free of the inky weight of darkness. If things had been better, he'd be waking Jimmy and Buck right now to head back with Lou. But Teaspoon still hadn't figured out just how to manage it. Lou had gone from fevered raving to unnerving stillness. Moving her would be dangerous. And a small part of him wanted to freeze this moment, before any of his fears came to pass.

Setting a pot of coffee on the fire, Teaspoon made up his mind to wake the boys and get the day started. He stood and stretched, unable to rid himself of the cold and uneasy feeling that had settled in his bones. He looked in the direction of Rock Creek, sensing something he couldn't quite explain. He felt rather than saw or heard a difference. Moments later he realized it the was the low rumble of a wagon.

Drawing his gun, he looked around for the best spot to keep a protected watch over the newcomer. A stranger might have too many questions about why they had an injured man staked to the ground. Teaspoon also knew that various lowlifes could still be looking for Jimmy and Lou. He crept toward the road, mentally debating whether or not he had time to quietly wake Buck or Jimmy. Just as he was about to call out, he caught sight of something that made his words catch in his throat.

The driver of the wagon had long blonde hair, and Teaspoon was certain that he'd soon be able to see the man's clear, light blue eyes. _Cody!_ He nearly wept with relief at his realization. The hopeless funk he'd been mired in suddenly evaporated. His boys were back together. Anything was possible now.

Teaspoon hurried back toward the center of their camp to wake Jimmy and Buck. All three men were waiting when Cody finally stopped the horses and climbed down from the wagon. He reached out to shake Teaspoon's hand and found himself pulled into bear hug.

"Gosh, Teaspoon, I missed ya too, but I can't breathe!" Cody laughed as the marshal released him. He turned to shake hands with his brothers. After greetings were exchanged, Cody's cheerful demeanor became quite serious. "How's Lou? I got to the ranch yesterday, and Rachel told me what happened."

"It's bad. I don't know if she's..." Jimmy's voice sounded strangled. He dropped his head before suddenly turning and walking away. As the others watched, he crouched by Lou's side and took her hand.

Buck met Cody's questioning look. "It doesn't look too good right now. An infection's taken hold and she's been fighting a high fever since yesterday."

"Seeing you ride up on that wagon was an answer to a prayer, Cody." Teaspoon placed a hand on the blonde man's shoulder, as if afraid he would simply disappear like a mirage. "We need to get 'er home and a doctor fetched as quick as possible."

Cody could sense the desperation in all three men. His time in the army had taught him the importance of confidence. Sometimes people just needed to believe that someone knew what he were talking about. That would be enough to give them hope and spur them to action. "That's why I'm here with the wagon. Let's get 'er loaded up and as comfortable as possible and get on our way."

As Teaspoon and Buck began to break camp, Cody approached Jimmy cautiously. "Hey, Jimmy. We're gonna do everything we can for 'er."

Jimmy never looked up and simply continued to stroke Lou's hand. When he finally spoke his voice was raw. "I know."

From the various letters he'd received since Lou's return, Cody knew that she and Jimmy were sweet on each other. And Rachel had filled him in as he prepared to set out in the wagon. He was worried about what might happen to his brother if Lou didn't make it, so he would do anything he could to save her. "Help me get her into the wagon." He gathered his sister up as if she were nothing more than child and, as he stood up, found himself eye to eye with Jimmy. "She's a fighter. And you know she'd be furious if she knew you were doubting her. She's always had a magnificent temper."

Jimmy's lips stretched into a ghost of a smile. "That's true." He looked serious again. "Thanks for coming, Cody."

Cody smiled. "Well you know what they say... The army's the army, but family's family." He turned and carried the fevered form of his sister to the wagon. "Besides which I knew you needed me. I've always been the better shot."

When he looked back he could see more of a smile in residence. _Good! I'm gonna have to keep this up. _They might all be worried about losing Lou, but Cody knew that despite all her injuries the greater risk might really be losing Jimmy. He hadn't seen so much darkness in his brother since the whole mess with Rosemary.

* * *

**_Summer has been all sorts of hectic. I'm sorry the updates have taken so long. But school is starting up again and life is settling back into a routine. I know this chapter is short, but I wanted to get some momentum going. And I just wanted to get Cody back. He's been waiting so patiently..._**


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